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Saturday, August 22, 2009

when did your heart go missing

It is best to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.

something has been percolating inside me for a while now. i have not really paid it much mind, because i believe focusing on the things in front of me is a better strategy. and it probably is. but somehow, someway i have developed an attraction to someone and it has attached to my being like an aura or an energy field.

firstly, it's completely embarrassing to be exposing this. a man my age would be better off already well beyond this childlike phase that i find myself in. but all those partying years have proven to have taken yet another toll, that is my total immaturity when it comes to matters of the heart. i still view these intimacies like that of a schoolboy, which would work if i were interested in schoolboys, but thank goodness that's not the case.

there's a smidgen of me that hopes this infatuation would come to life. that somehow imagination shifts gently into this dimension. then there is another part of me that prays that this notion will remain in its holographic state. and another part keeps brushing my feelings aside in order to keep order in my compartmentalized heart.

underneath all of this is my utter and hopeless gratitude that i can still feel anything like this at all.

today's sound choice is rooney with "when did your heart go missing"


1 comment:

Java said...

I'm grinning. Part of me hopes that the particular "someone" in question also has an attraction to you, too.

In comtemplating the mental aging process, I have (so far) determined that there is an essential inner core of our personalities that does not change much. The part that develops attractions lies therein. It isn't so much "childlike" as it is human nature.

Congratulations on being able to feel it!

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