Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less
as the weekend rears its lovely head, i find myself with much to do over the next coupla days. i picked up a party at the gates mansion in bear creek saturday and sunday we are installing new installation in the attics of 4 units of our rowhouses. weeding needs to be caught up, and the lawn is to be mowed. then the weekend will be ending.
it is boggling how easily i see the end and not what is yet to happen. like i am going to tune out somehow and not be part of those experiences, or that those are not equivalent with me having time off. whatever, i need to step back, take a breath, and remember what a difference this is from the crappy way i used to spend my weekends. waking up very late in the am or early afternoon being so groggy that it would take over an hour just to get going. having the nasty taste of nicotine on my tongue and the smell on my clothes. having spent most of my cash and having no savings and only maxed credit cards. maybe i would have had a guest but not really remembering much about them because i wasn't clear enough to really ask. feeling hollow and dreading going to a vacant job on monday..
i truly hope this dichotomy is seared into my brain. i trust that it is. as i sit here thinking about what's ahead these next two days, there is no way that i can compare them to the ones i described. what i might need to infuse is an affinity for enjoying what's here in lieu of looking so much down the path. for now, this is some personal work ahead.
and oh what a pleasant stride i have found.