saluting helen morgan

The Helen Morgan Story

Morgan begins her career as a Chicago carnival dancer and catches the eye of fast-talking, double-dealing Larry Maddux, whose promotion catapults her to fame as a Broadway performer in Show Boat and a headliner in her own nightclub. She anguishes over her romantic relationships with both him and Russell Wade, a wealthy, married attorney. When she realizes the caddish Maddux merely has been using her to support the upscale lifestyle he has come to enjoy, she turns to drink. She loses the bulk of her money to the Bureau of Internal Revenue and the Wall Street Crash of 1929, hits rock bottom, and is hospitalized in the alcoholic ward in Bellevue. Maddux has a change of heart and arranges a gala testimonial dinner, hosted by Walter Winchell and Florenz Ziegfeld, in her honor. The film's ending suggests this was Morgan's first step on the road to recovery, success, and happiness, which was not the case in real life.

here's the thing

“A wise old owl sat on an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren't we like that wise old bird?”

one thing i have come to understand with getting sober is that behind all the denial and pomp and circumstance of heavy drinking and drugging stands a person who never really learned how to feel emotions in a healthy way. the advent of getting high allowed me the opportunity to recede my fears, doubts, and self-judgements and make way for inflated ego and outgoing mania-driven adventure.

with 30 or so years of that under my belt, it has been quite the journey to let go of old delusions, understand and begin to see clearly how things are-not to mention why they are- and work towards accepting that information and move forward.

the most interesting and probably most spiritual part of this process has been the ease with which the universe has offered support for me. i have not suffered physically at all. i have always been afforded employment and revenue. i have never wanted to revisit the "old days" by action. sometimes i have through music and memory, but i have been blissfully blessed with no desire to test the "getting high" waters again.

that's not to say i have not had struggles. i definitely have. i have been living with ptsd (both from my childhood experiences as well as my adulthood) and that has probably been the most devastating aspect of having a clear head. reliving trauma and revisiting emotional torture is a monumental task- or has been for me. it has cost me friendships, it has cost me sanity at times, and i have had to recreate my life in sobriety just as i had many times in addiction because to walk through it was too much for me to comprehend.

i am sure there have been damages in my wake. on several occasions, i have found myself terrorized with conflict and unable to negotiate it which led me to step aside completely from relationship. this is not necessarily a nice thing to do. but i did. i hope i continue to get better.

i have started a new group which is a general support group - including mental health and recovery- and i think this process is igniting this post. i sit with these folks and listen to them negotiate their feelings and their perceptions and work on change and continued recognition at the same time. and i am amazed that they come and that they talk and they listen. i am embraced by the similarity in experience and the chance to witness. and at times i get to actually feel that all the bullshit (past and continued) was definitely worthwhile

the science of addiction and recovery

I gotta feel you in my bones again,

I'm all over you.

I'm not over you.

I wanna taste you one more time again,

I'm all over you.

I'm not over you.

This life is way too short

to get caught up and all mixed up

when I just want you to love me back,

why can't you just love me back?

i am off to CEDARs to attend a 6 hour workshop on "the science of addicton and recovery" which is sponsored by Faces and Voices of Recovery and Advocates For Recovery. below is the description of the training from the FAVOR website. it's a "train the trainer" curriculum, so my intention is to learn to help develop a module to deliver to others and expand the understanding of the importance and the miracle (and some nuts and bolts) of recovery and how they work. it seems that so many people don't know much beyond the frustrating (and painful) parts and would rather not discuss it.

last night i picked up Flo Hilliard who will be delivering the training today. the skies and sunset were spectacular as drove her from the DIA circus tent to her hotel. it was almost as if we were watching some computer-generated cinematogrophy unfold. part of me wondered if this was an overview of the activity we would be engaging in with her. ps- my photo captures only a fraction of the grandeur that dominated last evening's sky.

have a fantastic weekend..!!

from Faces And Voices Of Recovery

About the Training



The Science of Addiction and Recovery is a 6 six-hour “train the trainer” training for people in long-term recovery, their families, friends and allies.
6 Professional Development Hours are available for this training!


Join us for this training to:
Learn about the science of addiction and recovery
Practice teaching others what you have learned
Sharpen your skills as a recovery communicator, then take home new tools that you can use with your family, friends and community
You will receive three hours of education on the science of addiction and recovery in very easy to understand language and three hours of training on how to deliver the information to others.


An important part of this event is learning how to deliver this training in your community. We encourage you to come in pairs so that you have a buddy to conduct trainings with in the future. If you are not able to sign up with a buddy we will be happy to match you up with someone during the training. There is a space available on the registration form to tell us who you would like to pair up with.


Science of Addiction and Recovery Trainer:
Florence (Flo) Hilliard

love, love, love this version...

carriage return

I'm doing this for you

Because it's easier to lose

And it's hard to face the truth

When you think you're dying

It's part not giving in

Part trusting your friends

You do it all again but you don't stop trying

yesterday felt a little topsy-turvy to me. i got some surprising and somewhat disturbing news early on and it took a good bit of the day to digest it and consider some of the ramifications. certainly i found myself almost obsessing about the "what might bes", but luckily i was able to remember that i don't always see the answers and that part of my spiritual program is the component of faith. faith that things will work out, without my direct input, and trust that the possibility of something even better than my own design for a situation may actually occur -(and is probably more likely).

this is very much like hitting the return key on an old typewriter- it creates the beginning of a whole new line in the story of my life. what i hope to work towards is perhaps an automatic return carriage... return to sanity that is..

here's a remix of  "standing in the way of control" by The Gossip

wicked

hope is something that ebbs and flows with me. sometimes i hope for things that are not at all likely to happen. sometimes i hope that i will be recognized as the hero that i think i should aspire to. (but will never actualize because i see myself as a wicked witch.) these last few months i have been reconciling the ordinary qualities that i embody and the not-so-special-ness and the indulgent aspects that make me me. all this has been very much like ice cold water splashed in my face while simultaneously a waft of a cool breeze needed to change up the stale air of my current existence.
i was chatting with a friend about all this and we concur that our experiences both involve an emotionally dark and sinister place that we retreat to whenever life on life terms wobbles in and out of our desired direction. this dark space is familiar, comfortable, painful, and definitely juvenile. it's absurd at best, however, it is comfortable because that is where we spent much of our years.
no matter though, because the promises have begun to unfold and rolled into these miracles is the ability we now have to discern that what i describe above is how i use to be. it doesn't represent the person i am now. and though self degradation is my first stop, it is not the final resting place for my mind. forgiveness, understanding, letting go, choosing peace- these are the tools that i now carry. and i am learning (definitely through trial and error) to choose a different way of life.

so as i shift speed and direction in my life, i find myself seesawing between trust and fear. i make decisions every day, some good and some thoughtless. i do right and do wrong and have to not get torn about either. and the idea of fun is shifting for me. feeling more comfortable with myself in tandem with being less distracted by others has channelled a peace into my life. along with bigger questions and more gray areas.
if your journey is at all like mine,( and i can only wish that is is), then no doubt the road ahead will be chock full of twists and turns. the only insight i can offer is that trusting the journey is where my joy is found. the destination seems to always be shifting and the only constant i have found is my recurring need to change. something wicked this way comes. but something wicked does not have to stay long. simple, bittersweet, and delicious.

Breakin Up With Crystal

some things don't change. but just 'cuz it's hard doesn't mean it ain't worth it.. in my humble opinion, it's definitely worth it..

12 Stupid Things

I have decided to share the "12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery" by Dr. Allen Berger which are listed in his book of that title. I believe they are mostly true and that one can never have enough insight.

2nd Stupid Thing:

Believing Sobriety Will Fix Everything.
Recovery begins with breaking the bonds of addiction. But this is only the 1st step of a long journey. Recovery is ultimately about recovering our true, or spiritual, self.

For many, remaining clean and sober developing what page 85 refers to as a fit spiritual condition. The concept of spirituality is relevant and for good reason. Discovering and connecting to a spiritual force provides us with the strength and ability to remain clean and sober. This is attained through the development of humility.

The 12 step programs are designed to connect us with a power greater than ourselves. The 12 steps, followed in order and with a guide are systematically set up to lead us to humility and a right-sized place in the world. While the 12 steps provide us with an incredible formula for change, we have to do the work. We have to dig deep and confront ourselves as we have never done before.We will feel worse before we feel better and we need to give up on trying to find a softer, easier way.

12 Stupid Things

I have just gotten a small book titled: "12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery" by Allen Berger, Ph.D.

I thought this might be good to review with people I work with. And I though it might be interesting to review the 12 things (not necessarily the 12 steps) and see how it goes. I will go through them one by one and try to see if his insights match one's own experience.

1) Believing Addiction to 1 Substance is the Problem: Our best chance of recovery lies in abstinence from mind-altering substances.

In this short chapter Dr. Berger takes us through cross-addiction and substitution of one high for another. This is one of the more common judgement error with people I have worked with. A belief that the addiction is for only one substance and that other highs won't be as troublesome. Typically, the opposite comes to be true.

Also he describes the concept of self-medicaton and pain. He offers that most of us use extensively to make ourselves feel better or to avoid any sort of pain at all. His take (much like Buddhism) offers that pain is a friend when listened to and responded to with love.

And the idea ofself-erasure and self-hate is brought into view. According to Dr. Berger- Self-hate is deeply rooted in and continuously influenced by our behavior, even though we may not be aware of it. I am convinced that self-hate is one of the primary causes of relapse. A person simply does not feel worthy of recovery, worthy of getting better, worthy of receiving help, worthy of joy, happiness, success, freedom, and love. This leads to many direct and indirect expressions of self-hate. Undermining our recovery is one of the ways that self-hate can manifest itself in our life.

you can learn more about this book here

recovery is the climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on...

 
 

me n tv

this film is courtesy of denver open media and was filmed a couple of weeks ago.

check please

reality check that is..

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark.--Rabindranath Tagore

the prognosis of "normal" is definitely not all it's cracked up to be. i have never really aspired to be normal, mostly because the likelihood of me reachiing that goal is nil. but it has always remained in my focus because that's what most individuals use as a marker.

so imagine my distress to spend years working hard at doing the right thing, only to discover that sometimes my head is full of crap and that i make foolish decisions and quick judgements just as easily as i pause when i'm agitated. no smoke, no mirrors, no distracting one's attention. just me and my "nothing specialness".

this is one of those times that i need to find gratitude. i know of so many many things to be grateful for. the trick is to connect with that gratitude. gratitude, like faith, is kinetic, much like the sun. at times it's completely evident, but there are other times  when it's obstructed, and i have to really work at remembering what it's like when it's in view.

seattle has a shift in its approach to queer recovery

http://www.shiftrecovery.org/

Shift is a peer recovery network supporting dynamic recovery paths by uniting our LGBTQ community to experience freedom through empowerment.
Shift is a multi-agency collaboration that provides administrative, emotional, and supervisory support for volunteers and clients in the Seattle/King County area who are Lesbian /Gay /Bisexual /Transgender /Queer / Questioning (LGBTQ) people struggling with drug/alcohol abuse and addiction issues. This peer recovery network was awarded a 1.5 million dollar Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)/ Recovery Community Services Program (RCSP) grant in October 2007 to be used in the first four years of the network's existence. This is the first SAMHSA/RCSP grant awarded to support LGBTQ people in the recovery process. Shift represents a collaboration of agencies, namely Multifaith Works, Seattle Counseling Service, Gay City Health Project, and Dunshee House, each of which brings unique experience and services to the Network. This Network was built to bring the strengths of each agency together MW provides emotional and practical support by providing clients with Shanti and CareTeam volunteers, SCS acts as the referral source for the Network and provides treatment services, GCHP hosts sober social events and community forums, and DH houses recovery support groups and facilitator trainings.
While staff members from each collaborating agency provide support and guidance for the Network, the intent of Shift is to create a safe space for peers to walk together in their journey of recovery. Peer volunteers are people in recovery from drug and/or alcohol addiction who understand the dual stigmas of being an addict and a sexual minority. There is an emphasis on volunteer recruitment, training, and leadership skills development for peer volunteers, as well as the widest possible array of recovery support options for peer clients. The target client population ranges in age, ethnicity, and socio-economic status, and services rendered will be free of charge. By combining services, the collaborative team creates a continuum of care that addresses the spectrum of needs within the LGBTQ recovery community without duplicating specific services. Peer clients also receive information about existing services of any current peer support programs. within King County. Shift?s aim is to support existing programs while expanding their reach into the LGTBQ recovery community

A little more about Multifaith Works:

Multifaith Works defines recovery as "A personal commitment to a collaborative process which incorporates mental, spiritual, and physical health and balance in response to addictive and/ or self damaging behavior."
Multifaith Works has the amazing opportunity in providing those who are newly sober and have a commitment to their recovery a way out of isolation by placing them with a Recovery CareTeam or a Shanti Volunteers.

What are Shanti's and Recovery CareTeams?

The Shanti Program provides one-on-one volunteer-based emotional support. Shanti Recovery Volunteers are experienced in providing support to people affected by alcohol and substance abuse issues.
Our service is aimed at easing the burdens and improving the well-being of people who are living with the challenges of staying sober. We also support their partners, spouses, and family members.  Each Shanti relationship is unique and depends on the needs of the client. The carefully-matched pair usually spends a few hours each week together.
Loneliness, anxiety, depression, and fear can be overwhelming.  By providing supportive listening and companionship, our volunteers help empower clients to identify and meet their own needs.  Our one-to-one support is free, confidential, and always non-judgmental.
A Recovery CareTeam is a group of four to seven compassionate individuals who provide practical, emotional, and spiritual support to a person working through recovery issues. Volunteers come to us as individuals or may be based out of spiritual communities, recovery communities, universities or civic groups.
Recovery CareTeams are matched with people working through addiction issues, referred to as CarePartners. CareTeams build supportive relationships with CarePartners by listening, offering encouragement, and establishing meaningful personal connections. CareTeam activities are directed by the needs and interests of the CarePartner and skills of the volunteers. Support may include: transportation to appointments, phone calls, birthday parties, help with moving, and shared meals.

recovery at the capital 2010

Date: Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Time: 10:30am - 1:30pm

Location: Colorado State Capitol (West Steps)

LET"S GET THE WORD OUT EVERYBODY!!!!

It's that time again to join Surrounded by Recovery - Colorado as we host the 3rd annual Recovery at the Capitol 2010. On Wed. May 19th, 2010 from 10:30am to 1:30pm on the west steps of the Colorado State Capitol. More information to follow, so come on back and check out where we're at.

ACTION ALERT!!!! SBR needs your help as we plan for this year's rally. We need volunteers to commit to helping us on May 19th, but we also need your help now as we plan this event. So now is the time to tell us what you want at your rally, and don't think your suggestion may be too off the wall we want to hear what you have to say! All suggestions will be addressed by SBR board members.

SBR is also trying something new this year; we want to supply box lunches for the attendees of this rally so we are asking for your support. All we are asking for is a donation from you of only $5 Bucks, that's it!! This will help offset the cost for these wonderful lunches provided by Cindy Lynn Cafe. Donations can be made by dropping a check in the mail made out to: Surrounded by Recovery, and in the memo line at bottom left put ("Box Lunch Drive"). Addressed to PO Box 16523 Denver, CO 80216. For other ways to make donation please call Mark Wonder 303 882-2172 or Julie Jacks 303 618-5752. Please help if you can, TOGETHER WE ARE THE MIRACLE!!

today's sound choice is a collaborative effort from mary j blige, jean wyclef, brandy, baby face and others. originally used to bring effort towards the unbelievably huge lack of young voters. here is "wake up everybody". we've all got lots of  work to do..

more on being bi

"I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street."

— Virginia Woolf

there is something so humbling about a chemical imbalance. after all, if sober, even with medication, there are some waves of emotion that follow those brain chemical dumps that are unmistakably powerful. sometimes one feels quaky for no reason. sometimes one can't sleep, even when there is no apparent reason for it. and one learns that without self-medication, the challenges maneuvering these potential emotional minefields can be huge.

and the carousel of brain chemicals doesn't go away with sobriety or with medication. it becomes manageable- sometimes more than others- and continues to challenge. it's not being crazy, it's more being flooded with impulse. feelings, thoughts, ideas, questions, more questions, and very often a debilitating depression.

i took another class for my counseling certification on bi-polar disorder. it was bittersweet as most of the persons in the class had some very personal and often difficult experiences with bi-polar disorder among their families and friends. the class is titled "understanding and treating bi-polar disorder". of course i am not able to diagnose, but i am capable of recognizing it in many instances. treating chemically is not my purvue, but treating it in the context of substance use is something i deal with regularly. and something i have much personal experience around.

it's well documented that over 1/2 of people who have substance use issues have mental health issues as well. the largest pool of that number have bi-polar disorder. and it's said that 60 percent of people with bi-polar disorder have substance abuse/ alcohol abuse issues. one of the most amazing things to me is the general lack of dual diagnosis treatment options in lieu of these figures. it somehow seems neglectful.

some not-so-fun facts about this disorder are that only a fraction of those with bipolar ever receive treatment because of
1) associated stigma
2) its misdiagnosis
3) tendency to deny that anything is wrong
4) self-medicating
5) identifying it as a physical, behavioral, or psychological issue and NOT biochemical.
6) although is can profoundly affect relationships for families and friends, it taks an average of 10 years to seek treatment.
7) Bipolar disorder affects 1.5 % of the population worldwide regardless of race, gender ethnicity, or socioeconomic factors.

peace can be so elusive at times.

recovery is a process in which an individual actively pursues mental wellness in the context of a neurobiological disorder.

today's sound choice is lady gaga with beyonce doing "telephone"

good bye mr. dilley... and thank you..

Donald L. Dilley, 82, died on Sunday, February 28th at the Hospice of Saint John in Lakewood following a brief illness. He leaves his son, Neal Ashmun, his wife, Michelle, and two grandsons, Frank and Spencer Ashmun, all from Nashville, TN. Don also leaves nieces and many cousins in the Greely area, as well as a colorful array of lifelong friends from all parts of the US. Born on Christmas Day in 1927 in Des Moines, IA, the son of Neal Dilley and Nellie Edith Clark Dilley, his family returned to their native Colorado in 1931. Don spent the rest of his childhood in eastern Colorado where his grandparents first homesteaded along the South Platte River in1906.

 His father, Neal Dilley, served as a State Representative from Wells County. Don attended a one room school in Kersey, which housed all twelve grades. In 1945 he enlisted in the navy. On his way to boot camp, VJ Day was declared, ending the war. During his enlistment Don served in Pearl Harbor at the Headquarters of the Commander in Chief of Pacific Operations. After his military service, he studied at George Washington University on the GI Bill, and received a degree in history. Don married Jeanette Dorsey in 1951. They settled in Kersey, Co where he worked as Deputy Sherriff and briefly owned the local drug store. They later opened a travel agency in Greeley.. In the late fifties he was a disc jockey for eight years on local KYOU introducing popular and country music.

 In 1962 he moved to Denver where he would reside for the next 48 years. He was a long term employee in the Western History Department at the Denver Public Library. A Colorado historian, Don was committed to lifelong learning. He was an avid reader, usually reading several books at once. He enjoyed biographies, history, and an occasional novel. Having experienced a spiritual wakening in his mid fifties, Don studied New Thought for the remainder of his life. He completed a four year study of Science of Mind and served as a Spiritual Practitioner at the Church of Religious Science for over twenty years. He was also a mentor and guide for scores of fellow students of the twelve steps of recovery throughout the GLBT community.

At age 76, Don attended Metro State University to study philosophy. A year later he traveled solo to Paris where he rented an apartment in the heart of the arts and museum district. At 80, he penned his autobiography, which included his many travel adventures and life experiences as well as descriptions of his family’s survival stories of The Great Depression and the Dust Bowl in eastern Colorado. A celebration of Don’s life will be held at 3:00 pm Saturday, March 20th at the Center for Spiritual Living, 1420 Ogden Street in Capitol Hill. Rev. Jim Chandler will be officiating. The service will be held in the sanctuary, adjacent to the Don Dilley Memorial Library, which Don spent years lovingly creating for his community of kindred spirits.

today's sound choice is ryuichi sakamoto with "forbidden colors."  goodness knows mr dilley certainly made his way through more than his share of those..

waterfalls

Don't go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and lakes that
You're used to
I know that you're gonna have it your way
Or nothing at all

But I think you're moving too fasti was talking with a guy today and realized he is pretty damn depressed. he is about 4 years clean from 15 years of heavy meth use. he's around 33 and tested positive for hiv when he was 20. he spent many of the years since then just trying to drown out his own sorrows and secret sadnesses, probably bringing more shame and degradation to himself than the diagnosis did. he wasn't ready to stop using, but the law intervened and convinced him to rethink his position. he did so in an 8x12 iron bar clad room and decided he might try a different approach.

so as i sit and talk with him today, he relays his frustration (bordering on desperation) being heterosexual with hiv. women don't seem very open to considering his predicament right off the bat. and he struggles (to put it mildly) with telling them anything about his situation, let alone declaring it proudly right off the bat. and he feels unlovable, a diseased pariah, and far from seeing any hope for change or closeness in his situation.

his words and his story did more than engage me, i admit.  getting clean has more than a handful of challenges. to feel things like fearful and lonely and broken are part of the emotional landscape of us all, but for an addict, feeling these things can easily be like becoming a werewolf or vampire. without the armor of meth or any other drug, the simple aspects of living take on gladiator proportions. all this drama with sobriety, but add hiv and heterosexual, and i think there is most likely the silhouette of a grimm's fairy tale. tender, epic, and horrific.

so as i sat with the hero of this tale, i found myself digging in my heels and talking with him about the things i talk often of. that yes, it's quite understandable to feel some pity and sadness because shit is hard. that the path seems dark sometimes and that the business of going forward can appear futile. and how it's easy to get lost trippin on how we wish things could be. but that's fantasy. his life is right here, right in front of him. and he has a daily option- to choose frustration and defeat, which he's dangling his feet in right now, or to find the fantastic that his life, as it is, has to offer.

i asked just how much knowledge about survivial he thought he had acquired since this all started. he replied- "quite a lot". i then asked how much of that he was sharing with other people. he looked at me befuddled and said none. and i then asked "why not" . he didn't know.

this, i said, is how you can transform your trash to treasure in your life- to move from livable to luxe. you have managed to make it this far in your journey and if you are struggling, you can save your ass by helping someone else. he said- "you mean like aa or na?" exactly.

i explained that each of us is capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. and we have a daily choice- to choose to find what is good in front of us, or to long for something out of reach. i explained that i never thought in my wildest dreams that i would be sitting here, speaking with him and be able to not only understand exactly how he feels, but also have the skill and the words to help him see another side to his life.
as i did this, i started to tear up, because every word i spoke was true. one true grace in living through horrors and pain comes in the ability to use my perspective in service of another. 

and that is not just another waterfall.

today's sound choice is tlc with "waterfalls".  i think no explanation of the good fit is required here.

 

derby dolls

s

when i saw him, i was taken aback. i am sure my jaw was even a little askew. i know my head was. the last time i saw him he was so put together. he had the smartest  herringbone wool overcoat on top of a blue and white sweater that was reminiscent of a french sailor uniform. he had blue wool slacks that completed the ensemble and his piercing blue eyes complemented the whole look. his skin was smooth, and peach colored, and flawless. his jaw set the tone for a more-than-striking silhouette.by that time in his life he was 35 or so. and his "together" seemed to be starting to fray.

fast forward to the other day when i ran into him and was jolted. after 3 more years of a steady diet of crystal, booze, and whatever else he could manage, the veneer that i had known before had cracked. he remembered me, but not my name. and he didn't really remember from where. he  lost a couple of front teeth. he had swollen as a sprained ankle or wrist swells. his face was puffy and his speech was slurred. and he was speaking very quickly and sing-songish, almost like he was spewing his racing thoughts as limericks. except they didn't necessarily rhyme nor seem to have a beginning or an end. they were songs that seemed out of place here in the street but would be more at home in an aviary. but the words just kept coming. and there i sat trying to stay grounded as he described becoming homeless and then in the next breath talked about getting his real estate license and selling million dollar homes.

this was my half hour with crazy daisy,  another veteran of the biggest meth roller derby team. a dedicated and hard-core player no doubt, at least i know he's not the captain. no-he's simply another member of the league.

today's sound choice is from the soundtrack of whip it. here the breeders with "bang on"