I have just gotten a small book titled: "12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery" by Allen Berger, Ph.D.
I thought this might be good to review with people I work with. And I though it might be interesting to review the 12 things (not necessarily the 12 steps) and see how it goes. I will go through them one by one and try to see if his insights match one's own experience.
1) Believing Addiction to 1 Substance is the Problem: Our best chance of recovery lies in abstinence from mind-altering substances.
In this short chapter Dr. Berger takes us through cross-addiction and substitution of one high for another. This is one of the more common judgement error with people I have worked with. A belief that the addiction is for only one substance and that other highs won't be as troublesome. Typically, the opposite comes to be true.
Also he describes the concept of self-medicaton and pain. He offers that most of us use extensively to make ourselves feel better or to avoid any sort of pain at all. His take (much like Buddhism) offers that pain is a friend when listened to and responded to with love.
And the idea ofself-erasure and self-hate is brought into view. According to Dr. Berger- Self-hate is deeply rooted in and continuously influenced by our behavior, even though we may not be aware of it. I am convinced that self-hate is one of the primary causes of relapse. A person simply does not feel worthy of recovery, worthy of getting better, worthy of receiving help, worthy of joy, happiness, success, freedom, and love. This leads to many direct and indirect expressions of self-hate. Undermining our recovery is one of the ways that self-hate can manifest itself in our life.
7 Important Facts about Strength In Numbers (SIN):
SIN represents a global association of poz gay men (there is no technical "membership" ) Our belief is that any gay guy who has tested positive for HIV is a part of our movement. There's no membership fee as the price for entry has been costly enough already!
SIN respects your privacy and right to keep your HIV status confidential If you join one of our chapters or email lists, it is never shared with anyone. And we never ask guys in SIN to give us their full name or photo. We believe that everyone living with HIV/AIDS has the right to determine for themselves whether they want to tell no one, someone or everyone about their HIV status.
SIN has an extremely diverse participation (all ages, races, incomes, length in time of infection) The guys who participate in SIN groups or interact with other SIN chapters come from every walk of life. HIV is color-blind, infects at any age, doesn't disappear over decades, and never, to our knowledge, cared what "poz social group" someone claim allegiance. HIV causes AIDS if untreated, period. So we welcome everyone infected and affected by HIV/AIDS, but we also take care to stick to our mission of seeking to empower and improve the lives of poz gay men around the world.
SIN chapters are locally managed unless we're looking for a manager We have no paid staff so each local representation of Strength In Numbers is manned by volunteers who donate their spare time to moderate our message boards and coordinate social events for the group. Some of our chapters may not have an active manager at times, and in those cases managers from other cities will temporarily guide that group until a local manager is found. There are no official boards or committees in the SIN model, as we hope to avoid the political infighting and power struggles that have hampered so many other AIDS related organizations.
SIN is currently working on becoming a 501c3 tax exemption & doesn't (and never will) accept federal/state funding Too many times we've seen AIDS related groups turn into fundraising machines after they become an operating non-profit, quickly losing focus on their original mission. Once that happens, it seems they dictate to people living with HIV/AIDS rather than work hard to serve the best interests of their clients or ever try to involve their membership in their decision making process. When they take public funding, particularly from the federal government, usually they are saddled with a mass of complex and restrictive requirements including burdensome surveys to fill out at every event they administer. While we understand this sometimes is fundamentally necessary for AIDS service organizations (ASOs) offering expensive programs like housing or healthcare, SIN does not offer direct services and therefore we've sought to put off any need for 501c3 filing as long as possible. Currently we are funded entirely by our own contributions, with most costs for our main operations covered by myself as founder of SIN. We have been in the process of determining how best to approach a filing for 501c3 giving our unique mission and global outreach.
SIN seeks to collaborate and partner with other poz social groups When I started SIN in Los Angeles, it was like pulling teeth to get any of the ASOs to partner with us or dare to even think of collaborating through us with other agencies. My vision for Strength In Numbers has been to break down the territorial barriers that keep so many ASOs from working with each other. Again, our view is that HIV doesn't care about labels and doesn't see any borders itself, so why shouldn't ASOs work together as much as possible for the greater good. SIN chapters and our international headquarters work with almost every AIDS-related program we encounter, unless we feel that the relationship is not mutually respectful.
SIN focuses on empowering poz guys to have fun, meet each other in a healthy environment & support each other Despite some misconceptions over the years, we are not some covert HIV-prevention campaign run by the government or some ASO. Our belief is that by helping poz guys live better, happier lives they will take better care of themselves and thereby take better care of their sexual partners. SIN works to reduce the transmission and potential fatality of HIV infections by empowering HIV+ gay men to empower themselves. Our main mission though is to help poz guys meet each other, have fun and become as comfortable and happy as they possible can be.
Strength In Numbers (SIN) started as just a simple potluck party in the Hollywood Hills bringing together 50 or so single poz guys who were tired of rejection at bars or online. That was in September 2002, and now the SIN network reaches over 25,000 men. There are over 50 chapters of SIN social groups around the world (SIN NYC has 1500+ itself), some much more active than others, but we're all working on improving all of them. We also help local poz social groups that do not have the SIN name promote themselves and communicate with other groups like them. And this May we launch our 1st poz cruise retreat on the Carnival Splendor to Mexico (www.sincruise. com).
Learn more about SIN at our main website: www.strengthinnumbers.org
Strength In Numbers: Together we're helping poz guys find their strength within!
Copyright 2009, Strength In Numbers International, Inc.
So I won't give up No I won't break down Sooner than it seems life turns around And I will be strong Even if it all goes wrong When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe Someone's watching over me
we are busy readying the rollout for the "train the trainer" peer mentoring program here in denver. this, of course, in conjunction with everything else we do in our lives. it's exciting though, the prospect of renewing a sense of reaching out and giving back in the realm of hiv.
for any long term survivors, or even folks in their 50's and higher, it would be easy to remember just how people were in touch with the spirit of community and charity with regard to the hiv virus.
we have decided to name the program one-on-one (hiv 1 on 1) actually. i like it. it's simple and it really says it all. i had a real thrill today looking at some sample boards for marketing collateral, and offering ideas to appeal to multi-populations.
small update here today, too. my workmate that had been disgruntled and was posting the negative propaganda on facebook and through letters to the planning council has sent a letter of resignation to the director on new year's day. it just so happens that same day this person went with that same director to the movies and didn't mention a thing about their upcoming resignation. i have un-friended them on fb. i just don't need to know if they blame me for their problems any further. i am saddened by the shift in perception that has taken place, but i am thankful that this person is making moves to take care of themselves. if it's anything else other than that in disguise is not of much import to me. i really want them to succeed.
i have been busy readying for a file audit in our office. it is trudging at its best, but it reconnects me with each client as i go through the process.
today's sound choice is a guilty pleasure for me- hilary duff with "someone watching over me" here's a bit of trivia- this vid has been viewed on youtube over 6,490,000 times...
i was surfing when i realized that one of the most impactful dents in the panic on aids in america was theatrical. in the theatre, i mean. it could be the most comprehensive and influential tactic that has been used in prevention and with education that we have.
in more impoverished nations and cultures from malawi to india, theatre and theatre workshops are now being looked at as a way of educating persons in rural areas and keeping their attention without seeming condescending. of course, that is a danger. good theatre needs to engage and compel the spectator to come in, sit down, and take their shoes off. i really believe that requires a personal touch to be evident.
here is an interesting direction that prevention and education have taken to address the needs of more hard-to-reach populations.
in my mind, it is so much more effective to see someone's life played out. my heart becomes involved and that is where i connect with a situation, and idea, or a concept. that is also where i learn a great deal. and i have learned how to cope, and how to survive in many ways through the arts.
when i think about the sheer number of broadway plays, small independent films, documentaries, and blockbusters that have been made about hiv/aids, i get dizzy(er). of course, i found several online lists compiled, but i haven't seen a comprehensive one. I chose this list because to me it demonstrates the successful component that is given when the author/producer is personally and evidently affected.
And the Band Played On
This is an amazing dramatization of the book by the late Randy Shilts, the great journalist in San Francisco who helped make gay rights and AIDS issues prevalent in the mainstream media. Starring Matthew Modine, Richard Gere, Lily Tomlin, Ian McKellan, Angelica Houston and Alan Alda, this brave film attempts to expose how ineptitude and in-fighting amongst various agencies and organizations impacted the early spread of AIDS. This film is excellently acted and a must-see to remind ourselves of the atrocities of the early to mid-1980s. The film was made for HBO.
As Is
PBS’ production of the stellar Boradway hit by William Hoffman, this film chronicles the lives of two-ex lovers who are drawn back together by the AIDS crisis.
The film stars Robert Carradine and the legendary Colleen Dewhurst.
Before Night Falls
Here is an amazing film about the life of Cuban poet Reinaldo Arenas, who struggled powerfully against censorship, homophobia, political oppression and the eventual disintegration of his body brought on by AIDS. The film, powerful and poetically directed by Julian Schnabel, features a bravura, Oscar-nominated performance by Javier Bardem in the title role.
An Early Frost
Starring Aidan Quinn, Ben Gazzara and Gena Rowlands, this NBC movie was one of the first films made about the disease. Here is the story of a family who discover that their son is both gay and dying of AIDS. The films is powerful and eloquent in a silent yet stirring manner.
The Hours
Directed by out director Stephen Daldry, and based on out writer Michael Cunningham’s novel, this is an amazing film with Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman and Juliane Moore. The film powerfully interweaves three separate stories, all connected by Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway. Streep’s character, Clarissa, is throwing a party for her ex-lover who is dying of AIDS (played by Ed Harris). A must see.
In the Gloaming
Robert Sean Leonard plays Danny, a young man dying of AIDS, in this HBO film. He returns home to his family to spend his last days with them. Glenn Close plays his mother and Whoopi Goldberg co-stars in this moving and powerful film.
It’s My Party
Nick, played by Eric Roberts, realizes that he has only a few days to live due to a very rare AIDS-related disorder. He decides to throw a two-day farewell party where he invites his friends and his ex, Brandon. The film is both funny and poignant and has an amazing list of cameos by George segal, Olivia Newton-John, Marlee Matlin and Margaret Cho.
Longtime Companion
This is the best and most powerful film made on the subject. With Oscar-worthy performances by Campbell Scott, Mary Louise-Parker and Stephen Caffrey, and a Best Supporting Oscar nomination for Bruce Davison, the film chronicles the lives of gay men in New York when the epidemic was just breaking. A personal and gripping film, Longtime Companion is quite simply one of the best films of the 1990s.
Parting Glances
Along with An Early Frost and As Is, Parting Glances (1986) is one of the first films dealing with AIDS. Of the three, it is the only one that was released theatrically. Instead of focusing on the theme of someone coming home to die, it dealt more with the friends of someone with AIDS helping him to truly live. The movie also was one of the first major roles for Steve Buscemi, of Fargo and Reservoir Dogs fame.
Philadelphia
Jonathan Demme, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington and Antonio Banderas teamed up to give Hollywood’s first mainstream portayal of the disease. Even though the film is skittish about male-to-male contact and sexuality, the film is a powerful rendition of not only the disease, but also the way in which it is used to discriminate against people.
Zero Patience John Greyson’s avant-garde film is an AIDS musical which traces the notion of the alleged Patient Zero who supposedly brought AIDS to America.
This quirky, funny, yet powerful movie deals with Sir Richard Burton, an explorer and sexologist, who is preparing a museum exhibit about Gaetan Dugas, the flight attendant accused of being Patient Zero. Greyson has created several larger Busby Berkeley-styled musical numbers to create the lurid world of his film.
