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Thursday, November 19, 2009


Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast, or of one thing too exclusively. - VOLTAIRE (1694-1778)

it's so challenging to be in the throes of a chemical imbalance and feel in balance. no matter what is happening on the outside, what goes on inside can easily be equated with hell. there is no real rhyme or reason for the ebb and flow that happens, but it does. when the darker side, the depressed side- i suppose the flow- it is the hardest.

i was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about this very thing and she pointed out that of all the people she knew with bi-polar disorder, she never heard one of them complain about the mania aspect. they all loved that piece. tis true for my experience with bi-polars as well. it seems that when they are "in their cups",  at high tide and filled with inspiration, it is a difficult feeling to beat. everything feels so connected then and one feels almost invincible.

but when the tide starts going back out it is a much different story. waves of mistrust and self doubt flood the brain and confusion about what to think and how to believe. it seems such a long distance from the former that one can almost not remember ever experiencing that.

this is an ongoing process. sometimes, so busy with life, this recurring revolution is hardly noticeable, but sometimes it is so evident that nothing else can be seen. how does one not drift into madness? how does one stay grounded? it is said that medication softens the process, but does not remove it. it is a neverending story that may always have new twists and turns.

today's sound choice is patti smith's cover of the nirvana classic "smells like teen spirit"


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