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Friday, November 20, 2009

oh so blue

But of all these friends and lovers

There is no one compares with you

And these memories lose their meaning

When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I love you more
i stayed up last night packing and readying to get outta dodge for a few days. this has been an incredibly tough week for me and so i guess i'm in additional need for a vacay. i have been really emotional the last week or so. i found myself reacting in strange ways to ordinary things and probably over-reacting to many of them.

but get away i will. i am staying with perhaps the best friend i will ever have. we call him blue and we met in 1979? or 1980? at an afterhours club called "columns" in chicago. he was wearing a scottish purse (the kind that, gets slung around the waist when you wear a kilt) as a hat. i remember it was some very strange lime green color with a red pom pom and i thought " how queer" to myself. but we struck up a conversation, realized we had friends in common, walked the 32 blocks from downtown back to belmont when we left the club at around 6 am and have been tight ever since.

of course, there has been lotsa drama in-between. we were roommates at one time, which had its share of good times (many many) and challenging ones. and when my friend paul tested postive in 85 or 86, and i started losing my sanity, he remained slightly detached but always supportive, and luckily for me it has stayed that way ever since.

he was part of a circle of friends that took me in as i was flip flopping around in the late 70's. i had left home when i was sixteen and moved to chicago to fend for myself, and had run into some dramas over the 5 or so years until i met them. they were a few years older and had already slid into a sense of themselves. i, however, had not had the luxury, nor the stability, to do that yet. in many ways, i was still struggling to learn how to survive, make money, pay rent, and surf my emotional tides, and under their tutelage, i began to construct some of the framework of the person i have become today.

his father was gay and had moved to denver for awhile, so he would come visit and we would have a chance to hang out. there were some really fun and heartwarming hours during those denver visits of his. and i believe it sealed our friendship on a deeper level. he was the first person i took to glenwood springs to bask in the healing waters and scenic wonder.

and he has been one of the few constants during my tumultuous drama. there have been oh so many fires that burned very bright and fizzled out too quickly, and he has remained available for me to hang on to when i thought i was drowning.

over the years, he has shown me what strength is, what kindness is, how to maintain, and how to forgive. these are some of the lessons of adulthood that are paramount to happiness for me. i continue to be humbled and to be grateful for the grace of this friendship. and indeed this is oneof the best feelings i will ever have.

today's sound choice is the wonderful jason mraz with "in my life"



1 comment:

Java said...

Have a wonderful visit. Friends are treasures.

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