oh so blue

 

But of all these friends and lovers

There is no one compares with you

And these memories lose their meaning

When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I love you more

i stayed up last night packing and readying to get outta dodge for a few days. this has been an incredibly tough week for me and so i guess i'm in additional need for a vacay. i have been really emotional the last week or so. i found myself reacting in strange ways to ordinary things and probably over-reacting to many of them.

but get away i will. i am staying with perhaps the best friend i will ever have. we call him blue and we met in 1979? or 1980? at an afterhours club called "columns" in chicago. he was wearing a scottish purse (the kind that, gets slung around the waist when you wear a kilt) as a hat. i remember it was some very strange lime green color with a red pom pom and i thought " how queer" to myself. but we struck up a conversation, realized we had friends in common, walked the 32 blocks from downtown back to belmont when we left the club at around 6 am and have been tight ever since.

of course, there has been lotsa drama in-between. we were roommates at one time, which had its share of good times (many many) and challenging ones. and when my friend paul tested postive in 85 or 86, and i started losing my sanity, he remained slightly detached but always supportive, and luckily for me it has stayed that way ever since.

he was part of a circle of friends that took me in as i was flip flopping around in the late 70's. i had left home when i was sixteen and moved to chicago to fend for myself, and had run into some dramas over the 5 or so years until i met them. they were a few years older and had already slid into a sense of themselves. i, however, had not had the luxury, nor the stability, to do that yet. in many ways, i was still struggling to learn how to survive, make money, pay rent, and surf my emotional tides, and under their tutelage, i began to construct some of the framework of the person i have become today.

his father was gay and had moved to denver for awhile, so he would come visit and we would have a chance to hang out. there were some really fun and heartwarming hours during those denver visits of his. and i believe it sealed our friendship on a deeper level. he was the first person i took to glenwood springs to bask in the healing waters and scenic wonder.

and he has been one of the few constants during my tumultuous drama. there have been oh so many fires that burned very bright and fizzled out too quickly, and he has remained available for me to hang on to when i thought i was drowning.

over the years, he has shown me what strength is, what kindness is, how to maintain, and how to forgive. these are some of the lessons of adulthood that are paramount to happiness for me. i continue to be humbled and to be grateful for the grace of this friendship. and indeed this is oneof the best feelings i will ever have.

today's sound choice is the wonderful jason mraz with "in my life"



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razzle dazzle

Palin and Gay Rights: The Straight Dope
By: DUNCAN OSBORNE
08/29/2008
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In the immediate aftermath of the announcement of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as John McCain's running mate, the Arizona senator's campaign had success in portraying the anti-choice social conservative as friendly to the gay community.
Republican Senator John McCain has selected Sarah Palin, Alaska's governor and a little-known conservative with a slim record on gay and AIDS issues, to be his running mate in the 2008 presidential race.

"She's fairly socially conservative, she's fairly anti-choice," said Jeffrey A. Mittman, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Alaska (ACLU).
rest of article at gaycitynews

i am usually so very not political, i think. it's not where my head lives. but i think i caught a fever on thursday that has affected my thinking. i suddenly find it necessary to tell my truth about these things i see in the world of politics. the messages going out from this party depicted above with a button featuring their current headliners make me shudder. i guess it's because they are messages i have no desire to hear.

in contrast, on the plane home, a woman was overheard talking with her spouse on her cellphone saying things such as "did you hear her speech?" "did you hear her talk about the glass ceiling and taking it one step further?" ad nauseum. but that's what she wanted to hear.

well maybe this is what i need to listen to in order to form an opinion about this unknown woman who claims to recognize mrs. clinton as she steps on her to get her own position higher.

This is to announce a new direction for this blog and my related sites.What a great speech in Denver by Al Gore.What a great message by Obama! To be honest,I still have mixed feelings over the primaries,the convention as far as Hillary is concerned etc.If you listen to Hillary,if you are a Democrat...,you know who to vote for!
OBAMA-Biden !
Hillary did not put 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling so that a pro-life,pro-gun,home-schooling conservative Governor from Alaska could slide in.Go Obama! Do not waste your vote. from hillaryrodhamclinton2008

here's what gay wisdom has to say....no doubt, this story is to be continued....did anyone say oil and gas???? offshore drilling???? you scratch my back??? look over here... there's the first woman vp bustin that glass ceiling...

left of center

Robert Frost:
Freedom lies in being bold.

happy 4th of July

fourth step

•Personal Relations is my deep seated idea of what this type of relationship should look like.
•Sex Relations is my deep seated ideas of how a real man and/or real woman would be in this situation.

excerpted from the jay walker

i have come so far in my belief about sexual encounters in my life. it used to be that i slept with anyone and everyone i could, whenever i could. i did that for years. i never gave it a second thought. i used guys like tissues and they agreed to it, so i rarely even wondered if it was okay. i didn't worry about looking at the soul or the heart of my partners, rather i looked at their outsides and i looked at whether they fit my requirements. if i could set them into my preconceived mold of how the encounter should look.

when i did my fourth step on sex and relationships, sadly there were so many that i could neither count accurately nor could i remember very many names. this is actually appalling to me now, so please do not read callousness in my tone here. i have had to come to terms with my behavior and i have done my best to do so. most of my partners were in agreement with this practice at the time and were of similar minds. it was sex as sport. it was completely recreational without relationship baggage attached. it is not how i look to live my life now. i have begun the forgiveness process and have started to let go as well.

i still objectify good looking men at times, as you can tell by some of the pics i post. but i do that in an adoring fashion hopefully, and i also think that eye candy works to perk one's interest, both for me and the reader. but i have definitely changed my tune with regard to tricking. i have tried it a couple of times in sobriety and it has really been more than underwhelming. it doesn't interest me any longer. i don't want to be validated with a knob job or a ben dover. i would now much prefer a conversation and a shared idea over a shared meal.

i'm glad things have changed. i feel much better about myself and my life this way. the chain doesn't get rattled quite so often, and i have begun to look for something that has much more substance.

and to anonymous- this i am positive is jean carne. i distinctly remember this song of hers as well as "free love". i used to huckle buck at a club called "le pub" in my platform shoes and my flared jeans. hot, hot, hot- or not, not, not.... and i still love the star wars sounds in the music of those days.