birds eye view

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Friday, February 22, 2008


image credit: keith haring

i went to happy hour after work with some guys from SIN, and had a few laughs. the turnout wasn't as great as i had hoped , but it wasn't too lame, either. then a few of us headed over to see a show. i was floored as the production started, because i realized that at least 3 of the players were old tweaking acquaintances. i was flooded with memories and found it difficult to keep focused on the show. i was having flashbacks and distractions and hearing past conversations.

of course, where tweaking and i were concerned, there weren't too many positive outcomes. most situations involving meth usually led to the same dead end: drama and deceit. either on my part or the part of the other person. that is partially due to the fact that i would consume so much of the drug that i was often quite psychotic. i could easily have transformed reality into a version of scream 4 or dog day afternoon or one of many other parodies or dramas or whodunits.

i just am so damn thankful i don't live like that tweaker i was anymore. really thankful, but at the same time, i wish my current path weren't so murky sometimes, either. i really wouldn't have chosen to see such a big slice of my past like that last night, but there it was.

and yet i'm still here.

here is a very strange memory of mine too. when i was very young, my uncle had this album. (and he's not gay). anyway, i remember listening to this over and over when i was less than 10. i guess addictions do start early.


Anonymous said...

I bet that was a weird feeling. But do you think it's good to be reminded, less you forget the madness?

Java said...

But you are handling it well. Therein is the blessing. In life there are never any clear paths. If you think you've got a clear path, you aren't seeing it accurately. It is like that for everyone, you know. Most people aren't open and honest about it because it seems like such a fault or weakenss not to be in control of a clear directive in life. Bullshit. Your great blessing in your life right now is having good tools at hand to handle the surprises that pop up in the murk.


OMG!!! I watched her TV show avidly when I was a mere queer-ette. I was s-o-o-o thrilled when she played a raving bitch in Valley of the Dolls. She, Gidget, and Samantha Stevens were instrumental in nurturing the up-and-coming Stonewall gays. No doubt.

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