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Thursday, December 4, 2008


Step 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives our to the care of God as we understood Him.

i now realize i suffer from a condition very similar to the one depicted in the film "memento". and the concept above(along with several others) is my coping skill for that condition. i have this habit of forgetting some basic truths i have learned about living my life every time i go to sleep. so when i wake up in the morning, i am often confused and i have to try to get back to the place where i remember that i made that decision. and then i go to sleep and do it all over again.

life can be so damn complicated. it shifts so rapidly from under control to outa control and back. maneuvering my emotions and thought can so easily resemble snowboarding down the side of a mountain. never a straight line, but always careening and shifting weight.

the best help i have been able to find since i gave up self medication is a return to simplicity. i am not in charge of the world or even my world. i can only show up and react with grace (most times) and hope for the best.

and when i let go of trying to control, i am the happiest. and some days it's as if i am just learning this lesson for the 1st time. just like guy pearce in "memento". it takss me time to get back to "letting go and letting god".

Day after day,
I must face a world of strangers,
where I don't belong,
I'm not that strong.
It's nice to know,
that there's someone I can turn to,
who will always care,
you are always there.

When there's no getting over that rainbow,
when my smallest of dreams won't come true,
I can take all the madness,
the world has to give,
but I won't last a day without you.

So many times,
when the city seems to be without,
a friendly face,
a lonely place.
It's nice to know,
that you'll be there if I need you.
And you'll always smile,
it's all worthwhile.

today's sound choice is barbra streisand's
version of "i won't last a day without you"



Marc said...

"where I don't belong,
And that bit's drool."

Er, it goes, "I'm not that strong." Drool is droll, but I don't know how that got in there.

You say, "life slip in and outta control" NO, it is NEVER in control, that's ALWAYS an illusion. That perception is you problem.

Marc said...

You must have found my duplicate blog, set up for my ex-AOL readers, at (you referred to "new banner" You might as well comment over there, that's where Sheria is and I've got a stalker on the main blog, so I'm making it harder to comment there.

Sheria said...

I agree that life is complicated. I try to accept that control is at best an illusion but I also seem to need to relearn the lesson over and over again. Neat comparison with "Memento," a fascinating film.

BTW, when I was in college some 35years ago, I had every Streisand album that she ever made. I've never fully rebuilt my collection on CD, but I'm still working on it. I also tend to sing along when I listen to her music.

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