a matter of taste

“We never understand how little we need in this world until we know the loss of it”

i decided to buy a slowcooker yesterday because i am hosting a holiday meal at my house this year. i have a small kitchen and only one stove. and to feed 8 or 10 people will take some creative thinking, especially if everything requires an oven that day.

so i found an 18 quart beast and brought it home. it will easily houise an 18-20 lb'er with all the fixins. that will free up my oven for the other fun things like scalloped potatoes, or creamed spinach, or green bean casserole, etc.

of course i couldn't resist trying it out last night to see how it worked. i found a sweet chuck roast and added potatoes, a little water,  turnips, onions, carrots, celery, mushrooms, butter, dried mushrooms, balsamic and seasoning and let it slo-burn. after 3 hours i added brown rice to soak up the juices. after about 5e hours, i thought it should be ready.

when i cut into the meat it was perfectly pink in the center. it sliced easily and juices ran onto the plate. the rice was slightly al dente, but the veggies were tender and soft. i fixed a small plate for myself, and experienced what i have way too many times before.

i could not taste a thing. nothing. zip. nada. warm wet cardboard was all i had in my mouth. no sense of salt. no sense of beef. no sense of anything but the temperature and the texture- wet and mashed. i struggle so much when this happens. i have loved (i mean worshiped) food all my life. but for the last few years, ever since i got sober and started taking kaletra, i have had recurring taste disappearances. out of the blue, the sense takes a vacation and i am left with mud in my mouth.

i was so diappointed that i started to tear up. i didn't cry, but i really did want to. i waited so long for the meal to be finished, but there was no payoff. it was what it was.

today i took a big dish of roast and of the rice to work. i had people there try it because i couldn't. they ate it up, which is quite a consolation. but it still doesn't compare to tasting it myself.

omg- the things i have to learn to let go of....

today's sound choice is "i felt nothing" from a chorus line...