iris- seeing how i really am

 

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am 
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

 
the thing about the 3rd step, (for me more than any other step) is that it is almost a daily requirement.) it is so very simple to get wrapped up in  ego and revert back to attempts at taking control over my life again. and that leads me to frustration almost every time. i can get so focused on outcomes that i forget completely about the process or journey and miss so much good along the way.
 
i can be short with others, block them out, eyes focused on destination all the while missing the experience. this happens not infrequently, i am embarrassed to report. i plug in so many activiities into my daily schedule that i am left retarded often when it comes to sharing those experiences with others. i am so determined to do what my mind is set on, many times i am the only person at the finish line.
 
i am revisited by the feelings and memories of childhood trauma often and it causes me to withdraw and become noncommunicative. i have recoiled from friendships and fellowships because of these very reasons. sadly, there is suffering left in the wake of this, especially by me. i hold grudges for a long time, well after they are useful. it's almost if i feel safe with a known adversary.  these are but a few shortcomings still stirring in my heart.

"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do your will always

 
today's sound choice is once again the vitamin string quartet. i find i am falling in love with the cello more and more. well, i loved the goo goo dolls original version, but there is something that drives me goo goo about this version. here is "iris"



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