birds eye view

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Sunday, August 17, 2008

into the light

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

- Mary Oliver

i was born into a single parent family long before it was socially commonplace or accepted, in a small farming community in central illinois. my mother was just entering her senior year in high school and my father had just joined the army a few months prior and had stopped communication with her. he never returned.

i didn't know that the situation was unusual. there wasn't a formed notion such as a deadbeat dad. the mother was blamed and chastised as was the offspring amongst the rural communities. i didn't get that he had a problem. instead i always just thought it was me that was strange and less than normal. i carry a residual of that belief with me to this day. i have, of course, accepted the situations and have learned to deal with them in a healthy way, but trust me, it took a lot of work and a lot of soul searching to find peace.

it would be great if boyz/men could get a clearer understanding of some damages that lie in the wake of their adventures.

i no longer wish that he were here, but i will never stop wondering how it would have been or what would have.... if it had happened differently.

this is from one of my favorite chill cd's. this track is a merge of bliss and riccardo eberspache. if you have never heard bliss, don't wast any more time. the sound they put out into the world seems heavenly to me.

have a beautiful sunday...


Marc said...

Have you ever met him? See what he looks like at least? Know if he's still alive?
Inquiring minds are curious. But glad you talked about it. My mother had my elder (half) brother out of wedlock in 1952, and the sense of shame carried through the years.

Java said...

Life is strange. Unfair in a lot of ways. I can imagine that growing up in that environment is woven into the fiber of your being and will always affect you. Learning to put it in perspective, that's maturity. Tricky stuff.

A Bear in the Woods said...

Even when the wound heals, it leaves a hole in your life. Finding people to love in the present helps.

Gawd, that sounded Oprah!

A Bear in the Woods said...

What an awesome series! Now I have a whole new page on my wish list!

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