into the light

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

- Mary Oliver

i was born into a single parent family long before it was socially commonplace or accepted, in a small farming community in central illinois. my mother was just entering her senior year in high school and my father had just joined the army a few months prior and had stopped communication with her. he never returned.

i didn't know that the situation was unusual. there wasn't a formed notion such as a deadbeat dad. the mother was blamed and chastised as was the offspring amongst the rural communities. i didn't get that he had a problem. instead i always just thought it was me that was strange and less than normal. i carry a residual of that belief with me to this day. i have, of course, accepted the situations and have learned to deal with them in a healthy way, but trust me, it took a lot of work and a lot of soul searching to find peace.

it would be great if boyz/men could get a clearer understanding of some damages that lie in the wake of their adventures.

i no longer wish that he were here, but i will never stop wondering how it would have been or what would have.... if it had happened differently.

this is from one of my favorite chill cd's. this track is a merge of bliss and riccardo eberspache. if you have never heard bliss, don't wast any more time. the sound they put out into the world seems heavenly to me.

have a beautiful sunday...