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Thursday, November 6, 2008

grace of my heart

I can't hold onto her, God give me strength
When the phone doesn't ring
And I'm lost in imagining
Everything that kind of love is worth
As I tumble back down to the earth

while i was at a clinic yesterday working with a client, the social worker there pulled me aside to speak privately. he informed me that a co-worker of mine had been found dead in her apartment on monday. foul play was almost certain. broken furniture and blood were scattered everywhere. i went numb as i heard the news.

aimee and i had taken a ride last thursday to the food bank. it was about an hour and a 1/2 together. we talked about her life, her apartment, and how much she liked her new life. she moved to colorado last year from california after getting clean from years of meth use. she was pre-operative transgendered and could easily pass. she was smart, easy to talk to, and had been hiv positive for about 8 years.

she came to work at our agency with the "transaction" program which does outreach for the trans community around hiv care and prevention. it is a new program, but aimee has been very instrumental in promoting it to the hiv community and the gay community at large. she had spoken on two panels that i know of, sharing her story of recovery from drugs and her story of transition with small audiences.

in my car last week, i played a cd that i put together as we were driving. today's song choice is on that cd. the car was silent as this played. she sighed at the end of it, and said that is a beautiful song. we talked about all the other songs and laughed and shared stories. i am mad as hell that somebody can lose their self control like this and can snuff out another persons light. i am also a bit stunned that this is the 2nd friend of mine to be murdered in less than 3 months. are these hate crimes? is this related to hiv? how angry should i get?

i have rambled a bit here, but please know i am okay. i am just trying to stay in my feelings. i am sad, very sad. but i do know that she struggles no more with her identity. or her body. and that causes me to smile.

song choice is "god give me strength" by kristen vigard from the film "grace of my heart"(both of which i love, love, love)

and i also love the vid posted at absolutewille



absolutwillie said...


Java said...

How tragic! I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a real shining light.

Marc said...

That's devastating. Violence against the transgendered is an unknown epidemic. Please keep us updated on whether the culprit is found.

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