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Sunday, December 14, 2008

on the 2nd day



Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.... Anthony Robbins


on the 2nd day of christmas my true love gave to me..... a 2nd chance at life

i cannot begin to relate the intensity of my feelings about the renewal that recovery and a spiritual program have rushed into my agreement field. i operate at a completely different vibrational rate since i have welcomed a higher power. i don't have to feel the alone-ness i have known. i often choose too, but have the option of remembering that my life doesn't have to look like that and can change.

i am in the middle of writing a grant for support of some programs next year. i have really been avoiding it, because deep down i don't feel i deserve to steward the effort. i am struggling with doing this because i am sure i will not succeed, thus why bother at all. if i procrastinate, then perhaps i won't attempt anything and i will have fulfilled that particular destiny.

this captures how most of my life has been spent- in the previously described defeatist mindset and subsequent behavior. i have never tried to do anything even remotely courageous for fear of failure. i think i have wasted many an opportunity and have stunted most talents that i may actually have. and i think i may have been well on the road to "i could have made something of my life".

my life now highlights a subtle yet pivotal shift in my perception (ergo miracle). i can fail and still be okay. i can seem to lose and survive. i can be laughed at and dismissed, and still become better and stronger. i can work through pain instead of letting it tie me to a hitching post. and i can take off my blinders and see my destructive and dismantling processes that have always led me to a quagmire.

trusting, having faith, taking chances, pausing and letting a higher power move with my decisions and directions has opened a world of opportunities for me that i did not know before.

on the 2nd day of christmas my true love gave to me.....
a 2nd chance at life
and 1 opportunity to be heard.

sound choice for today is groove armada with "my friend"

Documents

2 comments:

Java said...

That mindset, if I don't try then I can't fail, is very familiar to me. Sometimes I even fight against it! Good luck.

I like this series counting down to Christmas. Inspirational. Thank you.

Sheria said...

Ah, procrastination is something I know well. If I don't try, how can I fail? It's taken years, but I've learned that failure isn't the end of anything, just another step onto wherever it is I'm heading.

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