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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

on the 5th day

“You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” Jan Glidewell

on the 5th day of christmas my true love gave to me- a snowy 5-alarm avalanche. a quiet yet voluminous demolition. it was both pristine and monumental. it loosened my legirons and opened my heart. i spoke softly to another about my experiences, always keeping in mind the how (honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness) of it. what happened was like the silent dawn after a torrential night of thunderstorms. the lack of noise was enormous. it still takes work for me adjusting to freedom from the cacaphony inside my own head, having lived with it so long. but this is a delightful strain and i try to muster the patience as best i can.

there is nothing that i can remember that even resembles the peace of the morning after the landslide of the 5th day.

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down

there was a message on this 5th day indicating it was necessary to prepare 3 lists for the next gift. a list of my own deficits as i saw them, a list of others i had harmed, and finally a detail of my own still active resentments. it said i would need these to fuel this journey further.

on the 5th day of christmas my true love gave to me;
a 5 alarm avalanche
a brand new self portrait, a new way to see "me" in 4 dimensions
a decision in 3 parts- i can't, god can, i think i'll let her
a 2nd chance
an opportunity to learn to listen and be heard

today's sound choice is from the smashing pumpkins with a "pickin" version of "landslide". sidenote- i absolutely love this youtube entry. the vid and the song somehow match to me.



Java said...


Chris said...

my cat and I are riveted.

Reminded me of the moment I broke - suddenly so quiet you could hear the snow falling.

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