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Thursday, January 29, 2009

how am i supposed to...

I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'

i haven't really alluded to it much, but i am very saddened by the passing of martin delaney. he touched so many lives (no, really) and my little story is much the same as so many.

but indeed, he did bring a voice of calm and a sense of hope to my life when i was drowning. i think it was 1996. i wss living in denver and i had just gotten my 3rd dui conviction. i spent 6 days in jail and was back on the travel job, doing the mandated treatment and working full time as well as working off my community service hours by restacking books at the public library. i was forcing myself to do too much as i always do, and i was being emotionally supported by my very best friend at the time. but i was falling apart inside. i was not sleeping enough. i had not been drinking at all for several months, but my bipolar mania was in full swing and i didn't recognize it.

i had a little cottage-like apartment in uptown that i called der joode (pronounced der hudi) and it was as magical and fable like as its name. but that wasn't enough to keep me from feeling the effects of 10 years of living with hiv. i was thin, my manic episodes were becoming full time and i remember distinctly being dropped off at der joode by joe and having him yell at me in the car that if i didn't go to a doctor this week, he wasn't going to be able to talk with me again.

it scared me really. i had never seen him yell. so i made an appointment with his doctor- neil sullivan and went in for a checkup. i was tested and it was decided that i had a prostate infection. the colleague looking after me asked me a few more questions and it was decided to test me for hiv. ( i knew this but had not been out about it because i feared the worst and i also wanted to get insurance-which i now had).

anyway my test came back positive(big shock) and the state of my immunion was not good. t-cells were at 179 and the viral family and taken up residence and were busy building subdivisions. medication ( the then-termed cocktail) was discussed and i was completely paranoid. i had seen so many friends start on azt and disappear within days or weeks. i had realized that doctors at that time knew as much or less than i did, so had become safe in not trusting and not interacting with medical professionals. i was on shaky ground here.

and then into my life comes project inform. the buzz was calling their information line would offer me information, unbiased and well researched, not from a medical professional but from another compatriot with the virus. i remember that call being a ritual for me. i sat down at my desk, i wrote out my questions, and i waited what seemed like an eternity for a call back.

but i got one, and it was martin. he talked me through all my fears. he answered my questions thoughtfully. he understood my fears and prejudices and validated them. he also encouraged me to look beyond fear. damn! he had logic on his side along with brains. i was hooked. hooked on hope, hooked on a change, and hooked on becoming a guinea pig. and it has turned out that that little conversation and the decision following it most definitely saved my life. or at least opened the door for it to happen.

thank you martin delaney for all you have done for the probably thousands of comrades like me. safe journey.

today's sound choice is a bit corny, but i can deal with that. it's michael bolton with "how am i supposed to without you"



Marc said...

Do you realize according to he obit he was HIV-? It died of Liver Cancer, possibly as a result of his hepatitis. It is was his pioneering use of interferon that got him into the whole field of investigating new therapies.

absolutwillie said...

veering off-topic - but tell us more about der joode! sounds fabulous :0)

(PS. and even more off topic: TAGG, you're it! check mine for yours)

apostle said...


is being proven by the more than 400 individuals who have taken a dose of 60 ml three times daily for 21 days. The result is that AMBUSH 'KILLS' the virus by causing the protein envelope to rupture and the viral particles are discarded by the white blood cells. AMBUSH is able to 'KILL' the virus that are 'hiding' in the lymph system by its 'natural radioactive' properties. This process allows the body to 'return to normal health' with a corresponding immunity to that or those strains of the virus.

What is AMBUSH ?
AMBUSH is a radioactive isotope of uranium that is found in the 'palm' plant of which there are more than 3000 species. When ingested, AMBUSH causes the body temperature in the trunk area to rise to about 102 degrees when the individual is sleeping. The preparation takes four hours per batch, which is then given to the individuals for consumption 60 ml three times daily for 21 days. AMBUSH is a herbal preparation in this form but it contains an active ingredient which is a 'NEW' crystalline substance, a drug from the 'palm plant' similarly to ASPIRIN originating from the willow tree bark

After 21 days on AMBUSH, ALL the individuals experienced a decrease in viral load to undetectable, an increase in cd4, increase in RBC, an improvement in general health such as more color to the face, decrease in Buffalo hump, an increase in gluteal muscles, a decrease to having no joint pains whereby individuals can bend to touch their toes, and walk up steps are but a few examples. There is also a dramatic increase in their sexual appetite beginning after the first week of therapy

In any plant concoction such as percolated 'tea', there are 30-40,000 compounds, whi ch would take the scientific community twenty years to isolate one particular ingredient if they knew what they were looking for. The LORD GOD has given me seven steps to isolate the active ingredient, which is soft and metallic in nature and has a carbon- uranium-sulfur-(classified)-phentolamine configuration or structure. This is similar to Federick Kekule and the discovery of the benzene ring where he dreamt the structure.

As an antiviral and 'natural radioactivity' producing agent, AMBUSH is also effective against leukemia, lupus and HPV. Here I am saying that I have 'GIVEN' AMBUSH in the same 'strength' and dosage to patients with leukemia, lupus and HPV. A 35 year old male with HIV found it difficult to impossible to urinate was put on 'green tea' and water while the doctors contemplated prostrate surgery. One of the doctors gave him my number , I sent him a supply of AMBUSH an d he has not been given any more ARV's, since taking AMBUSH 18 months ago, is in 'good' health and has expressed a willingness to be examined by HIV investigators like many others who have taken AMBUSH.

I have sent this 'IDEA' to most HIV research agencies, scientist of the field, universities, hospitals, clinics, politicians and news agencies to which it is REJECTED because the name of THE LORD GOD is mentioned. He has steered me scientifically through the processes such as which plant and how to produce the active ingredient. What are the odds of a Florida Pharmacist picking a plant would contain the CURE for HIV/AIDS ?
I have never charged any of the people for their supply of AMBUSH but a life saving has been spent on the project with NO renumeration from any sources because AMBUSH falls outside the walls of modern medicine and research.


My proposal is that I PROVE that AMBUSH CURES HIV/AIDS by giving it to a number of END-STAGE or DRUG-RESISTANT people and the scientific community watches their recovery. This proposal addresses the problem in that I have already outlaid the results to be obtained.

This IDEA is unconventional in that the scientific community has rejected AMBUSH because I say it is GOD given. Secondly if I wrote it according to certain standards, then it might be peer reviewed. However, THE LORD GOD has also shown me that there are five enzyme systems associated with the virus, reverse transcriptase, protease, fusion and two more of which causes the virus to be AIRBOURNE. This means that without DIVINE intervention mankind and ALL warm- blooded mammals will be extinct in a number of years.

The PROOF of what I am saying is found in scientific papers wherein it is found that when the protease cuts the viral strands, it cuts it at DIFFERENT lengths EVERY time, to which it should always be a valine at the end but is a different amino acid every time. This is why it is IMPOSSIBLE to produce a VACCINE.

Since this is NOT a hypothesis but there are about 400 individuals who have taken AMBUSH, here lies a vast area in which to check, recheck and confirm that AMBUSH CURES AIDS. Let it be mentioned that during the HIV reproductive cycle, reverse transcriptase converts viral RNA into DNA compatible to human genetic materials. Thus the human DNA has been 'hijacked' and since each person has a DIFFERENT DNA, then the new viral copy is unique to that person which shows that each individual has a DIFFERENT STRAIN of the virus. Consider two HIV positive people swapping viral strains and increasing its complexity with multiple partners.
It can also be proposed that they be revisited as proof that the strain or strains that they had were 'killed' at the time of taking AMBUSH considering that a person can catch as many different strains as there are people who are infected by HIV.
I am also willing to work with the scientific community in identifying those individuals who took AMBUSH and wish to be identified with this process notwithstanding that some are stigmatized while others are jubilant,

Once AMBUSH is verified as being able to accomplish that which is aforementioned then the next stage might be the natural and artificial synthesis of the substance.

Finally, if this is accepted or not, believed or not, THE LORD GOD always wins and this is the heavenly truth to which AMBUSH was divinely given to mankind for the CURE of HIV/AIDS and it will be here forever. Apostle Shada Mishe.

Here is a video taped presentation that I gave at t he Martin Luther King library in Washington

Sheria said...

I don't think the Bolton song is a corny choice; if makes sense to me. I am sorry for your loss. Martin Delaney sounds like a person of substance who will be missed by many. What a wonderful epitaph for a life well lived.

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