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Saturday, January 17, 2009

you could be happy

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

i feel as if this post is a variation of a theme. the week has flown by, and i find my brain a bit coagulated by all the information that seems to have passed through it in a short amount of time. i have been transporting clients the last couple of days too much considering that i am preparing for a site inspection slash file audit next wednesday. with most of them, during our drive time together, i am discussing how i find being happy to be a choice. one client was telling me how he had worked to get housing and had worked to get a job, but now that he had them, something was missing. god does this sound like a me i used to know. so i shared with him that i believe that everyone has something missing in their ideal and perfect life. but being happy isn't about having everything "just so". rather being happy is a choice and one must work on being happy in order to acheive it. and to sustain it, one must be willing to shift focus often from what's not working to the things that actually are working. and those are usually plenty if i look for them.

add to the mania that my now-former workmate left no paper trail for the entire last year and i need to fill in the blanks for a years worth of client notes. small blessing in disguise though is that the process of catching up is re-acquainting me or introducing me to clients that i am not in touch with. i look forward to a good experience to come out of all this though.

i have been cramming for minutes to do extra marketing for the benefits forum which is happening in two weeks. i am excited to bring it to the city, and don't want it to fall on its face. i have to trust that the efforts i have made already will have their own snowball effect.

afr- the recovery organization for which i am a board member has found itself in a bit of competition and rivalry with another recovery organization- sbr. the former is an advocacy organization which works on a policy level and the latter seems to be more effective at organizing and launching events and building capacity and awareness. both are near and dear to my heart, as are many of the individuals working with each of them. somehow there is a rift that has begun to settle in and another member mentioned that rift's negativity which in turn affected me. i called the founder of the latter organization and asked to speak to its leadership and call a truce. i got a little resistance initially, but it soon turned into support as i reminded him how many still suffering addicts there are out there who could use a little direction and support and our bickering does nothing to support or work towards that possibility.

i turned in a grant application last month and received a rejection on it this week as well. it was not well planned in its execution, nor was it thoughtfully produced. i have let it go, which really wasn't that difficult anyway. i hadn't even thought i'd qualify in the first place. that's quite an attitude, eh?

i ordered a new blackberry storm today. i have been wanting one and i just did it on a lark. i changed my wireless carrier and am hopefully keeping my old number. i don't know if emails on my phone and graphics will make me happy, but they will distract me and keep me a bit more up-to-the-minute. i spent money i have other uses for, but it was a medicative gesture and it worked for a short while.

i was going to post the new logo for one on one, but it won't translate on blogger for some reason. all in due time.

you see, even though things are not perfect, things are so far removed from the fucked up place that they were, that i have only remember where i am versus where i think i should be. it's all perspective, it's all decision, and it is certainly work. but it's work that has an immediate pay-off now.

today's sound choice is a song i love- snow patrol with "you could be happy"


1 comment:

Sheria said...

I think that you are on to something regarding choosing to be happy. My problem is that sometimes I choose to wallow in my blue mood.

Like the snow patrol song and the Heroes video as a visual for the song. I like my fantasy shows.

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