shine

The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
Marcel Proust

i saw the aussie film shine once again the other day. i hadn't seen it in years and i loved it all over again on many levels. odd thing though, my life seems to mirror some a theme or two from that work and i am sitting here in some amazement as i type.

in the film, david helgoth slowly enters madness as his talent and his art converge upon his brain and heart along with his shame, his guilt, and the myriad of outside influences, especially those close to him. i am not trying to claim his genius here, but i am familiar with inspiration. and drive also has become a close acquaintance. what is quite noticeable to me today, is how these familiar features that vibrate strongly somehow attract others in whom similar vibrational rates exist.

i guess that is why i interact often with folks with bipolar condition, mood disorders, and adhd. it is a familiar world, but it is by no means simple. there is often drama, manipulation, and agenda. one of my major weaknesses however, is to think i can take anything on and "to hell" with the downside. it's the downside that nails my balls to the wall. i am not good at all at the messy stuff. the confrontation, the repetition, the doing things over and over until it's gotten right.

i am at the end of a very long day. i am fatigued from meandering in the world of which i speak. i have no doubt my perception is peppered from my own conditions, but that changes not my exhaustion. sometimes i just wish i could say "no more crazy today, lord".


today's sound choice is "rachmoninoff 3" from the film shine