Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
when i was in paris in the mid 90's, we rented an apartment on the isle st louis. it was an incredibly beautiful experience all in all. i do remember i had trouble sleeping that whole week. mostly i felt strong and strange energy around me. i was drinking quite a bit at that time, and i am sure i continued drinking heavily that week, too. one night, i remember being awakened by a very strong tap on my shoulder while i was in bed. i woke up and rolled over to find a dark hooded figure standing over me motioning for me to step through an image of a doorway. i also remember pausing for a minute, wondering whether i should go through or not, finally coming to the conclusion of "why not". and so i stepped through. nothing amazing happened, yet i remember thinking there was no turning back.
many years later, as i have embraced sobriety, opportunities and adventures have appeared before me almost as mysteriously as the hooded figure along the seine that early morning. there has been a succession of stepping through doorways that have led me to now. and sometimes i can barely catch my breath or check my footing.
now, in 2009, as i embark on a new job, i almost feel as if i am in the remake of a "b" version of the education of rita. i am in the process of learning so many things on a new level. the conversations i participate in these days are from a different side of the curtain than i am used to. yesterday i visited someone i know who is just now being diagnosed with 4th stage lymphoma. as they lay in their temporary resting place, they seem tender and fragile in ways i had not noticed before this. i have the privilege of seeing people from a new and different perspective. and the challenge for me now is to find new ways to offer help with the same sincerity and intention i always have tried to do.
and i have stepped through another doorway in my life. no turning back, wouldn't want to if i could.
today's sound choice is american idol's kris allen with a cover version of glen hansard's "falling slowly"