deflation

i got the wind knocked out of my sails yesterday. at the start of the day, after i realized i needed to stop at one office before i reported to the other, i made my way to work. my brakes have been going out, but i have felt too busy to attend to them. well... i came to the stop sign at 26th and i didn't stop all the way. i rolled through the intersection at about 3 mph. there were no cars interfacing there, but there was an officer along the sidestreet who blazed his lights and gave me a ticket- $120 and 8 points on my license.

it wasn't until i was teaching my dui class later that evening, and some of the students were bitching and moaning about their fines, and their probation, and the points on their license that it hit me. i got a speeding ticket back in november in a school zone. i was going 27 in a 20 and got 8 points and a $120 fine. BAM! these two tickets equal 16 points and licenses are suspended in Colorado with 12 points.

OMG- how did i let this happen? i have slipped back into procrastination as far as car repairs go and it has cost me. if my brakes were functional, i would have stopped completely at that sign. now, i may very well have to rearrange my entire life to accommodate this boobish event. what else in my life is slipping?

i didn't sleep very well last night. i kept waking up and thinking about what shitty thing would probably happen. i would turn that over in my head a coupla times and then go back to sleep, only to redo the whole damn worst case scenario again. in the morning i came to the conclusion that i need to go to court and plead my case. take responsibility for my carelessness and do my best. and whatever happens happens.

god i hate being stupid.

the back to basics exercise program continues. the jaunts in the park have been replaced with sessions at step class. for me the cardio is better and working out with others generates more effort on my part. the energy level is up. i am also a bit scattered in the mornings with the workouts. certainly some of this fed the situation of my earlier rant. but the big bonus is that the gut that had developed over the last year has begun it's journey into nothing. probably half of that particular trip has been taken and the foreign quality of exercise that reigned supreme for the 4 seasons has diminished and been replaced by the ability to actually look at myself in the mirror again and being "in" my body . and some trousers that haven't been off the hanger in a long while are getting ready for a day in the sun.

today's sound choice is lilly allen with "don't get me wrong"