“One of the reasons why so few of us ever act, instead of react, is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses.”.... Henry Miller
today, i watched as man i know shuffled into view and declared how tired he was and needed to change. i believe him. i believe he believes he needs to change. i believe he is tired.he has been wandering for months, hustling for change, and not living in reality. this is not the first reading of this script, nor do i think it will be the last.
i asked where he had been and he retorted with "doing things i shouldn't be doing". cannot even own up to his actions. maybe if he doesn't say its name, he won't have to own it. but that rock has a hold on him that is strong. it is an anesthetic and when i really examine it, i can't do anything but understand the obsession with escapism. some aspects of life are so very dry, real, and hard to look at.
the thing i really know about this situation is that if anyone is in need of change, they have to be ready for it and work for it. it's not like changing a channel on the television. one cannot just press a button and have a whole new program in place. there has to be a conscious effort to move from one thought process to another. one has to be uncomfortable and learn to maneuver in it before a more comfortable reality comes into view.
the co-dependent in me wants to solve another's dilemma. crazy still. i am unable to wade through many of my own night-and-day-mares. yet there i found myself, offering this beautiful lost soul some sound tough love. and i was heard and understood. and then walked away and second guessed myself.
can anyone say prayers?
today's sound choice is an old favorite of mine- the lemonheads... with a cover of "knowing me, knowing you"..... yum yum yum... evan dando..
2 comments:
fantastic version of that song. i'd never heard it. i've read the story of your friend, though, many times and in many places - only the name changes; but the desire to escape the consequences of life as it is being lived, without actually having to change, seems at times to be the overarching theme of chronic relapsers, criminal justice invitees, housewives and teenagers, to name but a few.
i have to believe that if they really understood, if they had a full knowledge of their condition they would be willing to do the work.
"for unless they see the sky, but they can't and that is why they know not if it's dark outside or light."
Isn't that the hardest part of change, being ready for it?
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