i find that i am immersed in some threads of reality that i cannot get away from. my mentor has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer and is to have risky surgery later this month. he has been filled with fear but trudging along as he always does- as he has shown me to do as well. i am frightened, too. i care for him deeply and don't like seeing him twisting in the wind.
my mother has been experiencing some acute pain in one of her eyes. she went to a specialist as they were thinking it might be macular degeneration. but she found out right away that it wasn't. relieved for but a second though, as she was soon told that she has a cyst on her retina. this is something i have never heard of. and if you must know, the idea of all this really scares me.
interestingly enough, i seem to move myself emotionally to a place of insecurity and fear. i cannot change these situations at all. and much to my chagrin, i cannot direct the outcomes. i have concerns and attachments. but i am happy in my life generally. and if it is left up to my own brain, i will forget that i am partially living in bliss. all this spiritual work and i try to corner myself into a place of lack.
i was working with someone who just got out of jail after 2 months. their boyfriend packed up and moved out while they were in jail and they found themselves feeling devastated and dejected. just getting released from jail and all they can see is unhappiness and bad lack. this seems a little too close to home.
since when has my home looked like this? when did i start finding unhappy comfortable? how do get rid of this habit?
today's sound choice is from 1978. barry white with "playing your game baby"
You start, you stop
You know what you got
Is what I need
Oh, yes it is
When you give it up
It's only enough
To make me say