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Sunday, November 1, 2009


if you haven't dealt with your living problems in any focused, consistent manner, pain, pure and simple, will keep you subject to the dry-drunk syndrome. in this condition, "i'm sober-when do i get happy?" is the kind of heartbreaking question so often asked.
Earnie Lauson

sunday november 1st. can somebody tell me how we got to november already? gheesh, is time flying by. quite a week it has been, too. the travel ban has been lifted for persons living with hiv/aids. this hopefully sends an important message about the manageability of the virus, 'cuz globally there are some pretty crazy notions about it. the ryan white legislation 4 year extension was signed into law by the president this week as well. i think it a great relief until our reps in washington can wade through all the healthcare policies and insurance reform. that is gonna be a huge job, no doubt.

today i have "fallen back" and given myself an extra hour, just as the rest of the country has. it is a beautiful morning in denver, blue skies, nary a cloud, and most of the 20 inches of snow that we got on wednesday and thursday has melted.

i started working with a new sponsee this week. it's someone i have known for a while. we'll see how it goes. i have a good feeling about it, anyway. along those lines, i have begun to read "stage II recovery" by earnie lauson. it is such a small book. i am surprised. but it contains some good insight. once you get sober, then what? he has been a counselor for 30 years (20 when he wrote the book) and he sites some common issues for persons after they got clean. he makes a great point about being clear on a goal. if your goal is to get sober, then that is probably all you will do. but if your goal is to have better relationships in your life, then getting sober may be one step in the road to that. he states that having a direction helps us stay on track.

i am back to meetings, having taken a needed hiatus. life balance is something i will probably always need to work on. i have difficulty saying no. i have challenges being still. i am 1st to problem solve, in lieu of letting others find their own way. i struggle with saying nothing.... these are the paths of most resistance for me. and these are the ones that most likely hold personal growth.

i hung out with a good friend last night. we went to the movies and laughed out loud. god, it felt good to do that. we saw "zombieland" and it was funny indeed. i recommend it if you need a laugh. of course, you probably have to already be a fan of zombie movies to really enjoy it, but maybe not. the george romero films "night of the living dead" and "dawn of the dead" come to mind. they creeped me out when i first saw them, but there was always this wry sense of absurdity about them that i still love. the concept of zombies- flesh eaters that seem so inanimate, but are so unstoppable, so slow moving and slow witted, yet so deadly, so clumsy yet so cunning, it all kinda makes me laugh- probably nervously. they could almost remind me of the religious "right" if i squint my eyes.

gonna have some fun today. gonna try to help someone smile. gonna cook a little, gonna eat a little, gonna read a little. hope you have a great chill day, too.

today's sound choice is the 4th offering of the "back to mine" series. this is the selections put forth by "new order". i have re-acquainted myself with vintage missy elliot on this one.. that's been a bonus. but i also can't help but notice their homage to early electro- especially giorgio moroder. there's a remix version of  "i feel love" by donna summer as well as my pick today- "e=mc2". i have listened to this one several times over the  past week and i have come to love it. it pays homage to kraftwerk, it takes me on a trip, and i find myself letting go. and isn't that what music really should do?


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1 comment:

Sheria said...

I also have dificulty saying no. I have a need to feel as if I'm in control so I take on the role of problem solver. I'm still working on letting go and trusting that things will be fine without my intervention.

I'm taking your recommendation and checking out zombieland. Zombie movies always fasciante me. The newer zombies have gotten faster. I preferred the Romero zombies who lumbered along and depended on the fleeing victim to stumble, fall down, and lie there screaming so that the slow zombie would have time to catch him or her. I watched this very tacky zombie movie on TV recently where the zombies wore make up to hide their zombie sgtatus and were members of a boy band. No, I'm not making this up.

our religious right comparison made me laugh out loud.

A poet whom I like, Ntozake Shange, wrote that "a poem should make you feel something, like cold water or a kiss." Your observations about what music should do reminded me of those lines.

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