over the rainbow

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

so making daily entries sometimes is challenging for me. of course, there is no contract here, so i am not required to post daily, but somehow i am almost entrenched in that pattern. maybe i kinda feel married to this process now. honestly, i'm not sure.

i know that there are times, quite evident undoubtedly, that i have no clue as to what i might write about when i sit at the keyboard. sometimes, i look to the music to inspire my thread. sometimes, especially when i've been emotional, i will be as if i am located inside a plexiglass box and all my reactions to being stuck and being
visible are without camouflage and completely out in the open.

i don't know how to describe today. i had a good day, albeit a bit roller-coaster like. i am coming in contact with a new level of grace for my life. finally, i may be finding it normal to have emotions around mistakes that i make, and not get lost in a quagmire of self-judgement. i am understanding that i don't have to live up to standards that are impossible for me, and my world will not fall apart and find me dejected and spent when i blunder.

strange for some who may read this to understand just what i am relating, but please be assured that i have lived with inner chaos my entire adult life and have always (since age 11) been medicating these thoughts and inner patterns described here. slowly though, i am thawing, and hopefully (i mean hope above hope or hope squared) the barricade to my heart is receding and the path to my willingness to be naive is reappearing.

you know, maybe this seems elementary to some. i certainly would prefer it did to me. but this is a spiritual experience for me. soft and quiet. without regret. not overwhelming or hard to reach. but definitely somewhere over the rainbow.

sound choice today.. jennifer hudson giving some love back to patti labelle with "somewhere over the rainbow"

a matter of 13 inches

photo credit: james harris gallery



the following is excerpted from deacon larry

You see, there are two kinds of thirsts in this world: Horizontal thirsts, and vertical thirsts.

Horizontal thirsts are for the things around us. They are driven by our heads. You thirst for food, drink, companionship, money, and all the things of this world because your head tells you that you want or need them. They are things you need to survive; things that give you pleasure; things that put you in control. Implicit in the search for them is your own will.

.... They saw the need to pursue the second kind of thirsts. These are the “vertical thirsts”; the things of the heart, things that truly lift spirits. Vertical thirsts are for life’s higher meaning.

so there is a story about the matter of 13 inches. such a short distance really. just a tad over a foot. but some say it the distance perhaps between heaven and hell. it is the distance between our heads and our hearts.

oh how my life could be changed if i could learn to pause when making my decisions until information has traveled that 13 inches. oh the things i have done for love when given time and the things i have done for selfishness with no thought of vertical thirst.