"we have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed,"
there are so so many things about my life today that i had never even conceived possible for me. i find myself in the middle of events and conversations and thoughts that are so contrary to how i have lived most of my life, it's astounding. i can definitely testify that i never could have dreamed that i would feel so peaceful inside. i never envisioned my priorities drifting so far from how things look on the outside to how things feel on the inside. i didn't think it possible that i would shy away from taking responsibility for almost anything that went awry and that i would learn to take responsibility for my reactions to the circumstances in my life and honestly desire to work through those. i never imagined that any part of my life would be so without frenzy, yet most of it is drama-free today.
here's a couple of breakdowns of what i'm talking about.
one day, a few years ago, i am utterly miserable because i have been getting so high for so long that i have forgotten how to function, and all my brain can tell me is that nothing will make me feel better. then-after working the steps with a sponsor, and following some suggestions from other addicts, i find that i do feel better and i can remember hope and dreams.
one day, a few months ago, i find myself struggling with feeling like a lost lonely and preyed upon little boy who is writhing with emotional pain. the only relief i had ever known was to get loaded. -however, after utilizing the tools of a recovery program, the promises again shine through. i reconnect with a higher source and soon i remember that i am not at the wheel, and find the space to feel confidence and trust that i will be okay no matter what happens.
these 2 seemingly small incidents are much more than that for me. they demonstrate the structure of my previous addiction and the cornerstone of my wellness. they are without a doubt, miracles in my life. it continues to be hella better than i could have imagined.
and what i know is that i am not special. i am an ordinary man. if such miracles can occur in my life, then i am damn sure they can materialize for anyone. it does take work, and cooperation and humility. and the only thing i had to change was everything. and simply put, that is how everything changed..
