old man

Agatha Christie:
I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find - at the age of fifty, say - that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about...It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.

there's no way around it. 50 is a milestone. one funny thing for me is to look at where i have been and where i am now. whew! the distance is amazing. i can't say that i regret much, but i can say that i see what serenity looks like. i don't swim in contentment, but i get to bask in it now and again.

at 25, the idea of 50 seemed to scream "it's over" or "the end". i now know that it doesn't say that at all. it may say slow down, but it also says savor or taste. i get to really taste the flavors of life now.

i was laughing today and pretending i was on the phone:

hello?

hello?

r u there?

higher power?

are you there?

i can't hear you?

hello?

so much did i live my life just like this one-sided conversation. so much did i feel alone. but 50 (oh, AND my recovery) has allowed me the grace to let go of having to hear the other part of that conversation. i am beginning to know that it happens.

through the glass

someone once asked me: why do they call him a tweaker?

'cuz he's high for two weeks at a time :)


happy sunday. the weather has turned warm and lovely. and it seems, so has my future. at least it is headed for change. there is room for growth and i hope to welcome it. i notice today, how sometimes when i look at myself, i have to take some time to recognize who i am and where i am at, for it can all so easily seem foreign. that is where faith comes in. when i see my reflection and i don't recall or recognize, i must find trust that i will remember. i have been here before, and i have been all right.

Through the Looking Glass: Lewis Carroll Quotes
Alice: You see, Kitty, it must have been either me or the Red King. He was part of my dream, of course -- but then I was part of his dream, too! Was it the Red King, Kitty? You were his wife, my dear, so you ought to know -- oh, Kitty, do help to settle it! I'm sure your paw can wait!" But the provoking kitten only began on the other paw, and pretended it hadn't heard the question.