image credit: deviant art
happy birthday thomas c... 18 months is an extraordinary event and is truly a sign of a job well done.
don't look back. look forward. take that next step... staying stuck will certainly not change a thing...a better life is waiting.
i was in a meeting yesterday and someone shared about how much they were struggling and then another person shared about how much they were suffering. the amazing part for me was the lack of need to judge where they are. this is a shift for me. usually, in my head, i might think something like if you don't have a message to share, then why are you sharing? or why don't you talk to your sponsor about this?
of course, i never would say this, but i would have thought these things earlier in my process. but now i understand much more fully that there is a certain amount of struggle and suffering when an addict begins to have feelings again and they start living life on life's terms. it is not unusual for someone to really find it difficult to have to sit with uncomfortable feelings and work through them instead of their old tactic which was to get fucked up and forget about it.
losing a coping skill such as getting high is a major life change and takes some getting used to. no one who is on that journey can expect themselves to make a perfect transition to having feelings. but we addicts always do. so often, we think that just because we haven't gotten high for a year or so that our life should be in the bag. we should be on top of it all, and understand how our mind and our heart works in all situations.
my experience tells me that this is not so. we are newbies to the feelings game. it takes time, patience, and faith to get us through some days. most days are a breeze, but some days hold challenges that we don't have a legend for yet. we have to try new things, new thoughts, and new approaches. and we have to expect different results. this is why we made a change in the first places. for different results. it's just not always easy to recognize or remember that.
2 comments:
That's a helluva breakthrough, about the judgement.
I've never seen a character defect that seems to hang on more tenaciously, the need to judge. Not that I'm remotely over it, but at least I recognize that I am judging, rather than thinking it the only appropriate or sane reaction to a situation.
I try to extend it to letting go of assessing things that happen in my day as necessarily good or bad. It's amazing how many more enjoyable experiences I have in life when I refuse to dread.
I am not trying to recover from anything except life. Nothing big and major-ly all consuming. But you say so many things that apply directly to my weaknesses. I have poor coping skills and lots of stress to cope with. Thank you for stating so clearly things I need to hear and apply to my life.
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