image credit: frank louis
from salon.com
It's a shame that even a nelly doesn't equate nelliness with sexiness, because there's something self-negating about taking on characteristics you don't want your partners to have. There are lots of ironies in gay life, but perhaps none greater than this: Sissies are often the biggest sissyphobes of all.
i have been working on my relationship ideal (in my head only, of course) and i have come upon a self judgement that is a block for me. i am only exploring this for myself here. i really have to put this in my step 7 and ask for this character defect to be lifted. i don't think my mannerisms will change. i can only hope that my judgement of them will change. this is a survival issue for me, really. i can live with the self judgement i hold, however, i will not thrive. this is no longer an option. i need to thrive. i don't need to be the best, but i do need to be the best i can be.
my pattern and my history are linked to self-judgement and to avoidance of the awareness of such. so i have to be diligent in understanding how my feelings operate and be willing to change. i cannot just keep my fingers crossed and hope i will change. i need to work (with effort) towards creating change.
from glbtq.com
Internalized Heterosexuality
Homophobia is not limited to heterosexuals, but exists among homosexuals as well. Internalized homophobia probably results from the negative ideas about homosexuality that many gay men and lesbians absorb from the larger society.
The effects of internalized homophobia can be severe. Studies conducted in the 1990s have shown that homosexuals who suffer from homophobia also tend to suffer from low self-esteem, depression, and isolation. Such individuals may be prone to increased use of alcohol and drugs and often fail to engage in safe-sex precautions. Internalized homophobia has also been seen as the cause of high suicide rates among gay and lesbian teenagers.
1 comment:
My experience is that it's more about removal than change. I would bet that when you use Steps 4-7 on the character defects of fear of intimacy, fear of loss, and lack of faith, you will find yourself letting go of any behavior that you have used to create distance, to make sure you were not going to succeed at attracting the kind of man you want.
I've known effeminate men who couldn't change if they had a gun to their head--you aren't one of them. But you may have internalized years ago some messages you heard that "this is what gay looks like" that you are so used to they seem part of who you are. Keep on the road to authenticity and I bet they will fall away. (But never lose your camp sense of humor, I beg of you. That has nothing to do with nelliness)
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