my december

image credit: rockheart

december and/or the holidays are riddled with wants, desires, expectations, remorse, disappointment and really can be stressful. i came across some family-time survival tips that i found useful. the funny thing is these tips sound a lot like the sage advice i give to people in recovery when they are not in the clinic or meeting setting, but back in the world. it seems it's about staying grounded. that can be a challenge for anyone in december. there is so much expectation around being merry (or mary if you prefer). about celebrations and being happy. and about having a good time. especially when i don't feel it.

it is completely plausible to let go of expectations around this time of year. it is possible to create new memories and new traditions. and it is recommended for sanity.
i'm gonna try to employ some of these techniques and hope for the best. please do so yourselves, too and let me know how it goes. if nothing changes, then nothing is certain to change.


here is a reprint from propeller.com

Top Holiday tips for Gays and Lesbians

Going home for the holidays can be hard no matter what your sexual orientation, but for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender folks, it can be especially stressful. Here are some tips that will hopefully make your holidays go a little smoother.

You've decided to spend the holidays with your birth family this year. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals and trans folks are a diverse lot. We come from many different kinds of families. Some of us are out to our parents, others are not. Some of our parents love and support our life choices and others are completely opposed to homosexuality and do not want any mention of it in their home. I hope these tips will help you no matter what your situation.

Know your family.

In which of the above scenarios do you see them? If your parents have had a hard time accepting you for who you are, don't expect things to be magically different at the holidays.

Be sensitive to your parent's position, but don't do anything that truly compromises your own beliefs. Expect to be treated with respect, but don’t demand that they share all your beliefs. Choose your battles.

Get Support.

Do you have an ally within your family? Talk to him or her in advance and let them know you might need a little extra support this visit. If there’s something specific you want them to do (interrupt homophobic jokes, keep Uncle Ted away from you) ask that too.

Plan Ahead.

Are you bringing a partner home? Make sure your parents know s/he is coming. Don't wait until you arrive at their house to discuss sleeping arrangements. Phone ahead and while you're asking what you can bring to help with dinner or other celebrations, ask about sleeping arrangements. It may save you and your parents (not to mention your partner) from a fight. If things are too uncomfortable, consider staying in a hotel or with another friend or relative.

Set realistic expectations.

What do you want out of this visit? Do you want to open up and share more of your life with your family, or do you just want to get through the visit without a major fight? If your goal is to make Aunt Mary see once and for all that gay marriage is a god-given right, maybe that's not going to happen. Maybe a more realistic goal is to model for Aunt Mary that gays and lesbians have partners and families that they love and care about just as heterosexuals do.

Stay connected to your friends.

Have a supportive friend you can call if things get hard. Log onto the Gay or Lesbian Forum and check in with Internet buddies. Visit a local gay or lesbian bar, bookstore or community center.

Communicate.

It's amazing how much miscommunication can happen with the people who raised us. Many of the problems with our families come from lack of communication. Try to be as clear as you can without getting emotional. Ask for clarification before you launch into a tirade. If someone has an opposing viewpoint and you don’t think you can talk about it without bursting into tears, politely excuse yourself and call on one of your support people.
Take part in family activities.

If your family watches football, sit down and watch the game with them. Help out in the kitchen. Offer to play with your nieces and nephews. Let your family know that you are the same person you've always been.

Take care of yourself.

Don't over eat or drink too much. Walk around the block, get some fresh air from time to time. Offer to run to the store to get some time alone or plan to do something special with a family member you particularly enjoy spending time with.

Breathe.

The visit with your family won't last forever. Try to stay in the present and enjoy yourself. Remember that soon it will be over and you'll be on your way back to your own home.

Credits Kathy Belge.