help me, somebody

this is of those posts that i title because i want to use a particular song. this one hails from 1981 which was prime time for me and my partying days. i hadn't quite slipped into addiction yet and using really was only problematic periodically at most. this was also the time i stopped going to most gay bars in chicago because i thought gay men were becoming toxic- too much cattiness and bitchiness and very little support of others. in hindsight it makes sense that we had already started to make each other sick(literally).

the concept of asking for help is a fundamental building block of getting better. ego makes it so fucking difficult for us to actually humble ourselves enough to do this. but, if we can somehow, our lives will change. i have even heard people in the rooms say all they really did was finally find themselves hunched over and silently scream "help me".

the other "help" tidbit i love is to take a bar of soap and write "help" on the bathroom mirror every morning. h-e-l-p is an acronym for his ever-loving presence and then at the end of the day, wipe the letters off and give thanks to have gotten through another day.


this seemingly gargantuan act of asking for help is the key to unlock the door to the wonders of forgiveness and feeling better. try it. stay stuck if you insist, but please also know that there is help out there. and there are people who are living joyously and are gladly willing to share their abundance.

so i am getting ready to head back home today. and honestly, i know not what i will encounter. i know my situation needs to change. some of the platform i have anchored upon has shown to be toxic for me. i dare not remain involved. this could be enormously fear inducing and overwhelming.

but then there's faith. do i believe i am okay if everything falls apart? i have been sharing with java about my absorption of the book by that name and now is where the rubber meets the road. is it possible for me to not know what will happen and trust? can i have faith? can i trust myself? will i be brave enough to ask for help?

help me.... somebody...

this song is david byrne and bryan eno and is from an album titled "my life in the bush of ghosts". the whole collection is a good listen and quite ground breaking. they combined vocal recordings they had found with percussion and harmonic tracks that they composed to accompany them.

1981 really was a trip!