just one more time

i'm watching a rerun of extreme home makeover. it's sunday and i'm teary-eyed and i'm happy about it. i don't mind watching the show one more time. it's been a busy day, but i started winding down about 3:30p and have been reeling it back in since then.

i got a text early this morning from an acquaintance that i have known for a little over a year. i met him on the day he got out of prison after a 3 year stint from some charges relating to his extended meth use. i helped him get hooked into services, both for recovery support and for his hiv, and tried to support him through his re-entry process. he has done remarkable well and i am really proud of him. anyway, back to the text. the message said he desperately needed to speak with someone asap. i called early am to find out that for about a month he hasn't been feeling so great, but ignored it. and about a week ago, he decided to have a jam with meth again. he could get loaded, have some wild and ravenous sex, and it would all be cool.

but it isn't very cool. his kidneys are shutting down. his musclemass was breaking down and his body wasn't able to process it, so his kidneys shut down. the medical staff has stopped the muscle mass deterioration, but the kidneys are continuing to shut down.

he is scared. he is angry. he is in denial. he is a jelly bean jar of emotions. he kept saying he couldn't believe that he had let go of all the good things happening in his life for that one more time.

i am humbled that he has confided in me. i am amazed that he has reached out, and i hope i can be of service. there is much opportunity for me to experience love through this. i'll pray i can see it.