hiv and meth... hiv and meth.... hiv and meth....
"Lose your mind and come to your senses."
-Fritz Perl
so many men i know have both of these items in their stories. is there a connection? if so, how deeply does it run? in many, perhaps the big question is which came first, the hiv or the meth? are men medicating their feelings around hiv? are they medicating their feelings about themselves with sex and using meth to get that sex? are they medicating with meth and sex? is the sex satisfying when on meth?
only the headlines have receded, but certainly the questions remain. i know very many men in recovery who state the problem is all their disease of addiction/alcoholism. but i wonder if the solution is that simple. are the men who stopped using without the hiv-sex-self esteem issues solved? if you take away the meth are the problems gone too? the gay boiz are still smokin tina and gettin online for pnp. it's fascinating to discern the reasoning. but i'll betcha if ya check the numbers, the greatest percentage of those engaging in pnp with viagra and group sex are those of poz guys. are they mind-erasing the reality of their activities? would they be as callous about barebacking if they didn't have the mind eraser? if meth wasn't blocking their conscience from their sexual activity, would they still be dallying in multiple partners and popping viagra like vitamins in order to go for days?
these are all activities that i have actively engaged in. i guess i am sharing my own experience and questioning a trend. it's no wonder it's found a home underground. and what are we as a culture of gay men doing to work with this? here's what they are doing in seattle...
SOS
i know of 7 people in their 40's who have died this year of complications from AIDS. but beneath that facade was the darker truth of meth and the destruction of their immune systems from heavy usage. their drug use and their sex had gone underground. now they have too.
3 comments:
Very dark. I'm sad. Sad for these men, sad about their bad choices, sad about the consequences.
During my stint of working with people living with AIDS, I kept seeing the same thing:
Men in their 30's and above who all had pretty much the same story which went something like this:
"I didn't love myself and abused my very core (whether that be alcohol, drugs etc) and by the time I learned to love who I am, I was already infected..."
I have no answers to your questions but I am intrigued by them. Gay or straight, I think that we are always looking for soem comfort from soemone or something. Maybe meth is just another form of comfort or maybe the sex is the comfort and the meth the avenue. I'm not making much sense but then I told you that I have no answers, only more questions. I'm in a crazy mood today.
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