changes have mostly become natural now. i am persistently changing and consistently letting go. it's sometimes trying and often challenging. it is also peaceful now and then.
i am jumping the gun a bit here, but sunday will four years of sobriety for me. i am completely blown away by the transformation. you know, i always share in meetings that i have felt like a piece of shit my whole life. somehow broken. somehow not right. but since i have gotten clean and enlarged my spiritual life, things have changed. i still feel like a piece of shit now and again, but i don't have to medicate myself to get out of it, and i don't land on those thoughts any longer. i have learned how to change them when they come my way.
this is one of the promises coming true for me. i never would have believed that i wouldn't always think very little of myself. but i am learning not to think that way. it feels strange, but very good.
i have started a dui counseling position and am working 2 nights a week. one therapy group is particularly challenging for me. they have been together a long time and have gone through several counselors. one client is particularly resistant. they have the habit of talking while anyone else is talking, bringing consistent sarcasm to any idea of change, blaming the judicial system for unfair punishment, and making complete light of any curriculum to be used. with only 8 or so classes left out of 34, this client came to group last night completely unprepared to present a required project, did not bring their book, threw gum to each of the participants while others were speaking, and gave a plan for the future comprised of stockpiling food and water, and moving into a shelter for the inevitable nuclear war between iran and iraq.
i lost my cool. i didn't actually lose my temper, but i let the client get to me. it's so ridiculous for me to lose face. i know better. but i also know the client is fighting liver shut down. i know that underneath all that redirection is frustation, fear, and probably anger. i know all that and yet i react like an asshole.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
2 comments:
Well, then just think of God as one HUGE piece of shit, then you and I and everybody can be a little pieces that make him up.
And I let my kids get to me this morning. I hate when I do that. It does no good for any of us.
Post a Comment