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Wednesday, October 22, 2008


We need to rescue and nurture and Love our inner children - and STOP them from controlling our lives. STOP them from driving the bus! Children are not supposed to drive, they are not supposed to be in control."

have you ever found yourself in the position where you feel as if you are waking from some kind of really weird dream? that's how i feel today.

i know that i suspended a lot of my good sense a few months back as i encountered a weird phenomenon which consisted of re-experiencing some childhood trauma. i'm not gonna go into it at length, but i am touching on it because i am just now realizing that as a result of actively working through these feelings as best as i have been able, something must really be working. i have faced those feelings, which for years i was completely afraid to do. face them i did (am) and i am not hurting beyond comprehension as i had feared. hardly that really. instead, my life is beginning to consist of moments when i am in the present. sometimes minutiae, sometimes for longer periods of time, the experience of being her now is starting to seem real.

i am much more aware of how i am feeling and even more aware of how others are feeling. i am letting go of making others difficulties be about me. i am also learning how to really think of others first (or if not first at least a very quick second). this glacier is melting. this hole in my soul is beginning to fill. i am feeling. i am not having to feel an extreme in order to feel, i am actually feeling more subtle emotions.

i feel like i am waking up, like rumplestiltskin. i am coming out of a trance. i feel the same, but look very different. and the world around me has changed.

song in sidebar.... elements by danny here to listen

1 comment:

Java said...

Wow! This speaks volumes to me. Stop shirking from the things that frighten me. Think deeply about the whys of it all, and find the core fear. Reexamine that. Look at it from the perspective of adulthood. Be open to the possibility that it might just make me feel GOOD, not bad.

Congratulations, Rod. Sounds very encouraging.

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