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Thursday, November 20, 2008

virtual insanity

Edward de Bono:
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

halt! stop what i'm doing and check my hard drive.... what the hell?!?! of course in recovery world, the world halt is a warning sign that is an acronym:

that's the meaning for halt. and those descriptors are not a good place for me to be. they signal that i am not grounded and not using good judgement. yet they accurately describe where i find myself right now.

i chatted with a good friend of mine on the phone late last night(thank you t) and found out that i need to do some work. i realize that i have a couple of expectations for some things that are on drawing board right now, and that mere fact is causing me undue pressure. i think i have convinced myself that if i don't get a certain something, then i will have failed. and that i won't get that certain something because i don't deserve it. this is hardly a healthy outlook. if i don't get something, i will still have worth. i have worth without these things. i can be happy without these things. eeee gaaaaad ... how did i find myself here???? i don't even remember following a rabbit down a hole....

expectation, that's how. i have fallen into a trap and i need to stop fighting and let go.
(but i like the drama)
i would rather choose peace
(then i would win)
it's not about winning
(but i want to win)
and then what happens?
this whole process starts over again.

And I'm thinking what a mess we're in
Hard to know where to begin
If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made
And now every mother, can choose the colour
Of her child
That's not nature's way
Well that's what they said yesterday
There's nothing left to do but pray
I think it's time I found a new religion
Waoh - it's so insane
To synthesize another strain
There's something in these
Futures that we have to be told.

sound (2nd) choice today..... jamiroquoi doing "virtual insanity"



Marc said...

I would disagree that there's a conclusion to be made that you are exercising bad judgement because you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired. All that means is that you need to eat, calm down, talk to someone and take a nap. Where does this species of "healthy" human exist who does not battle fear and expectation and disappoint? I hear too much willingess to berate yourself--give Rod a break.

Anonymous said...

I don't know enough about the situation to offer an opinion. But, sounds like the thinking needs to change more than the actions. :)

Sheria said...

It's always the rabbit that you don't see that traps you into following him down the rabbit hole. I recommend taking some significant me time, indulge yourself, treat you the way that you would treat a dear friend who presented with the same issues.

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