Saturday, May 2, 2009
smoke gets in your eyes
i spent an hour or so speaking with a couple of guys who were smoking meth for about 6 years or so. they stopped about a month ago, mostly i think because one copped a case around drug dealing, but that is only an assumption.
as i spoke with one of them, i realized that he was very intelligent, came from a fairly grounded family. he probably got involved with meth on a lark, 'cuz 6 or 7 years ago it was quite fashionable to get high.
and he said it was only on weekends for a couple of years. but then it changed and he couldn't remember when. i believe him on this. i know that my own use slipped from using to abusing without my even being aware that something was changing. the dopamine dumps are so intoxicating that we don't necessarily remember when we shift from "seeing each other" to a "relationship". but that's how it happens.
i started smoking, but the smoke got in my eyes. i stayed numb and really didn't realize my life was completely changing all around me. but that's how it seemed to happen.
and recovery, is finding the where-with-all to clear away the smoke, and the wreckage, to start building a life a again.
i certainly hope this happens for the guys i spoke with yesterday. and i hope they can ask for help if they need it.
today's sound choice is judy garland with "smoke gets in your eyes". i think she definitely has some experience with this concept.