celebrity rehab

photo image credit. vh1 blog

somehow i became enthralled with celebrity rehab this season. i have watched an episode here or there, and last season i watched a few. but this year, there have been some moments of this rehab journey that these infamous people and this somewhat famous doctor travelled. sean young (of blade runner fame), michael lohan (yes, lindsay's father), bai ling, and some others- but most illuminated for me is amy fisher(long island lolita).

i'm not sure just what it is that hooked me about this season, but i do remember several moments. i remember amy getting pissed at the cameras following her and being reminded of the paparazzi that chased her in her teens. i remember the group going to a horse ranch and being asked to groom a horse's hoof. sean was thrown from a horse on a movie set, breaking her collarbone and losing a job. it was more than powerful, it was also poetic. there was bai ling having a manic episode and hiding on the roof of the rehab building. she was almost as crazy as some the tweakers i have known- and she was frightened of taking pharmaceuticals to combat her bi-polar disorder, feeling much more comfortable drinking herself into oblivion than trying something new. michael lohan and his phone were perhaps the saddest relationship that got featured on the show he was arguing with the people he loved through his phone for a good portion of the series and missed a very large portion of the treatment as he was high from the chemical releases in his brain from the exaggerated anger that swirled around him.

i don't know at all why i liked this season more than others. i relate to bullshit that they trudge through and i relate to the fear of change that leads the pack in most cases. it's hard to imagine life without a net. and many of us can  i relate to only have one real net that will catch us. even if we fall, this particular net will numb the pain. but the damage that living while fucked-up does is not a new story, nor the one that holds my interest any more.

no the elegant story is that change does actually that. it changes things. it rehabilitates life. it unblocks the blocked. it hurts a lot and then feels good. and this celebrity business that envelops the subjects of each season falls a little as one by one experience some sort of therapeutic moment and realize that changing may be (not for certain) but may be smarter than remaining the same.

i understand very well how seeped in ancient drama a person can become. and i think that listening to many of these individuals  (as well as many others i know) underscores how easy it is to remain stuck in the past. and changing, really changing, requires letting go of some things.

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live inthe present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”

worthiness

every now and again i visit ed negron's blog "the work-in" and always i find inspiration. here is the gem he had laid out for me yesterday..gratefully, i am reminded that change requires work and that the work is its own reward.  thanks, ed...

Today's Gift

Ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, it shall be opened.

Throughout spiritual traditions, human beings are depicted as the children of a loving Creator who has offered us a kingdom. Repeatedly we hear that abundance, joy, and prosperity are at hand right now. Yet, though the harvest is here, "the laborers are few." Why is this so?


In spiritual life there exists a law called the law of demand and supply. Before substance can manifest itself, a need must be expressed. For example, if I desire to buy a home, this "demand" creates a force of attraction that will draw my home to me. The request comes first, the demonstration, second. If you do not ask, you will not receive.

Many factors limit what we are willing to ask for. We tell ourselves, "I don't deserve it; I'm not good enough." "How can I succeed when others have failed before me?" "Why should I have when others do not?"


In order to harvest the fields of plenty, we must plow up and discard these weeds of unworthiness, doubt, and guilt. Such self-imposed beliefs block the good that is our rightful gift. Affirm your own worthiness to partake of life's bountiful harvest. Then go forth to claim your Divine inheritance.

party monster

the following is an excerpt from the SA literature..sexaholics anonymous. it sounds reminiscent of most addictions including food, video games, and porn sites. obsession is obsession. and obsession blots out the pleasure of anything. hell- if all these things weren't pleasurable, we never would have started. it feels good but obsession becomes the party monster. it kills any party.

it begins with an overpowering desire for a high, relief, pleasure, or escape.

it provides satisfaction.

it is sought repeatedly and compulsively.

it then takes on a life of its own.

it becomes excessive.

satisfaction diminishes.

distress is produced.

emotional control decreases.

ability to relate deteriorates.

ability for daily living is disrupted.

denial becomes necessary.

it takes priority over everything else.

it beomes the main coping mechanism.

the coping mechanism stops working.

the party is over.

today's sound choice is "money, success, fame, glamour" from the film "party monster". i love the lyrics...all 10 of them.. repeating over and over... it's an obsession.

We are living...in the age,
in which the pursuit of all values
other than
money, success, fame, glamour
have either been discredited or destroyed.
money, success, fame, glamour,
for we are living in the age of the thing.
money, success, fame, glamour...
 

hiv and meth-dream on

Thugs and badmen
punks and lifers
locked up interns
pigs and snitches

Rest your weary heads, all is well

You won't be strip-searched, torn up tonight
you won't be cut up, bleeding tonight
you won't be strung out, cold, shaking to your bones
wishing you were anywhere else but right here
So dream on

in june, hrsa published a new document which breaks down quite a bit that is already known about hiv positive folks who use crystal meth. there has been quite a bit of press over the last five years over this particular intersection of crises and i have come to believe that this 5 page overview is thoughtful and concise. i have also come to believe that as a nation and a culture, americans are far far behind the eight ball in understanding substance abuse and in our infancy in dealing with it. just take a look at our prison system if you need some validation on this point.

here is my current favorite excerpt from the document. the thoughtful approach that can be financially supported by the ryan white program could perhaps be utilized to garner further understanding to apply to the rest of our citizens who struggle with meth addiction but without hiv. you can read the rest of the article after the jump

Provider Strategies
Treating HIV-positive meth users requires intensive collaboration among mental health specialists, dentists, pharmacists, social workers, primary care physicians, substance abuse counselors and, in some cases, correctional employees. “Treating patients requires a team. We have an electronic medical record where we share everything, and we have case conferences almost every week,” says Disney. “The case manager makes sure the patient is connected with resources and . . . following their plan; the pharmacist meets with the client and checks to make sure they’re sticking with an HIV medication regimen; the physician is tracking the lab numbers; I’m helping them deal with the deeper emotional issues, and the dentist is working to improve oral health,” Disney adds.

Part of an effective strategy includes dispelling the myth that meth is harder to treat than other drugs. According to Shoptaw, meth users’ rate of retention in treatment is virtually the same as that for other drugs (3 out of 5 people complete treatment).5 Although no specific guidelines exist to screen for meth, some providers use general substance abuse screening tools, a modified CAGE questionnaire or, in some cases, diagnostic testing with informed consent.9

Shoptaw advises providers to use the “5 A’s”: ask if the patient uses meth, assess if he or she is willing to quit meth, advise in a clear voice that it is a good idea to quit, assist the patient with finding intervention, and arrange for followup. Providers should also become familiar with co-occurring disorders and create a referral system with medical professionals in their area who treat those disorders.6

Cultural competency is vital to help providers under­stand not only the drug but also the user population and the reasons for use. Equally important is detection of underlying mental health problems. Inclusion of mental health specialists extends to emergency rooms, where it is important to identify whether patients’ mental health problems are meth induced.

Providers are seeing a specific type of memory impairment among meth-using clients. According to a longitudinal memory performance test conducted by colleagues of Shoptaw, word recall and word recognition among meth users is worse than among clients who do not use meth—even after 6 months of abstinence. No real difference for picture recall and picture recognition tests was found between meth users and other clients.32 Providers should therefore use pictures and write down instructions as well as explain information to patients.

In addition to addressing psychological changes, providers can help counter physical changes resulting from meth use by advising patients to hydrate and to avoid wearing hats so as to lower base body temperature and reduce the risk of malignant hyperthermia. Similarly, patients should be advised to consume protein to help repair muscle fibers and naturally produce and replace dopamine.2 To treat xerostomia, providers can recommend the use of artificial saliva products or sugar-free citrus candies to stimulate saliva production.33

today's sound choice is tongue-in-cheek definitely... christian falk featuring robyn "dream on"

smoke gets in your eyes

i spent an hour or so speaking with a couple of guys who were smoking meth for about 6 years or so. they stopped about a month ago, mostly i think because one copped a case around drug dealing, but that is only an assumption.

as i spoke with one of them, i realized that he was very intelligent, came from a fairly grounded family. he probably got involved with meth on a lark, 'cuz 6 or 7 years ago it was quite fashionable to get high.

and he said it was only on weekends for a couple of years. but then it changed and he couldn't remember when. i believe him on this. i know that my own use slipped from using to abusing without my even being aware that something was changing. the dopamine dumps are so intoxicating that we don't necessarily remember when we shift from "seeing each other" to a "relationship". but that's how it happens.

i started smoking, but the smoke got in my eyes. i stayed numb and really didn't realize my life was completely changing all around me. but that's how it seemed to happen.

and recovery, is finding the where-with-all to clear away the smoke, and the wreckage, to start building a life a again.

i certainly hope this happens for the guys i spoke with yesterday. and i hope they can ask for help if they need it.

today's sound choice is judy garland with "smoke gets in your eyes". i think she definitely has some experience with this concept.