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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

tough choices


he called and said he needed some help. he had started journaling and realized that he was fucked up. he was smoking so much pot that he wasn't doing a very good job of keeping his thoughts together. he has stopped doing all the coke and meth he was doing. and he felt good about that. but he was smoking crack now and again. he had a friend that came over on monday nights, they would smoke crack, have sex, and make a big mess in his room. he would fall asleep and his friend would end up eating a lot of the food in his pantry, so he would go without sometimes at the end of the week. he smokes pot every day and spends about $40 a week on that. he has a couple of drinks once or twice a week, but he has been very good.

he weighs about 120 lbs. he doesn't remember things very well. he is thoughtful and at one time was a really wonderful musician. but those things have receded. medication, food banks, doctor's appointments, and taking the bus have become his pastimes.

so he said he wanted help with a plan to stop smoking pot. he smokes everyday. several times a day, i am sure. i will be here to help him.

but i asked him if he thought he could give up the crack, too. he said he was too weak to have his friend over and not smoke crack. so he might consider not having his friend over. realistically, however, this is his only romantic entanglement. and he recently also told me he really wants a boyfriend.

to be continued (i hope)

today's sound choice is "don't look back" by bliss




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2 comments:

Sheria said...

My first thought was what a disturbing image. After reading the post, it seems appropriate. I wish your friend hope.

admanager said...

Giving that up was so difficult. But when I finally snapped it was because I'd been abandoned - again - by someone who I thought at least cared about me a little, even if it wasn't a real boyfriend.

I realized then that unless I cleaned up my act, unless I actually got SOBER, there was no possibility of anyone ever really loving me. That my drug use actually prevented me from having a real relationship.

I'm still kind of lonely. I haven't met anyone yet. But now I know that if I DO meet someone, I'm all here, and I have the real me to give to a relationship; and that makes me happy.

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