tracks of my tears

thanks b2u for indulging my emotions this week. i am undergoing a culture shock and am doing my best to keep my head above water. but goodness knows i really needed a change and i believe the universe is looking out for me once again. i also find that some of my values may have been slipping back into a more selfish realm, definitely a side effect of fear and insecurity. i hope i am recognizing this in time and can make the necessary adjustments to get back to looking at the world with loving eyes. oh yeah, and a loving heart. i am to be conducting interviews over the next year and making referrals to treatment as well as developing a support mechanism for the clinic i will be working in. i am humbled and thrilled at the opportunity, but feel much more blessed that the team i am working with are already in my corner and have been actively working to bring me on board. in the referrals to treatment arena, the conversation i knew had to happen did just that. it is with reference to an experience that i have worked through, but perhaps not let go. ergo- resentment. and resentments really are poison. i know that the more i hold onto it, the more distorted my perception. honestly, i am working on this. forgiving an abuser has proven not to be a simple thing for me. in turn, however, it sets me up to re-enact that abuse, which is something i very much want no part. but no matter how much i try to cover up and disguise my past hurt, i am pretty sure you can still see the tracks of my tears.

today's sound choice is this season's idol frontrunner- adam lambert with "tracks of my tears"

little wonders

i came across this vid in my favorites on youtube. i didn't even remember saving it. maybe i've posted it before, but i don't remember. i know that the person who uploaded it meant it as a tribute to heath ledger. that said, i think the song (and rob thomas for that matter) quite remarkable.

nothing more needs to be said than this today:

LITTLE WONDERS
Lyrics by ROB THOMAS

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours

the start of something new

on your mark.........

below are some wise words from the chicago crystal meth task force that can apply to any city:

The Chicago Crystal Meth Task Force ( CCMTF ) recognizes that there are a number of treatment choices for methamphetamine recovery. Thankfully, we have several treatment options in Chicago. Recently, we have noticed some ads in the gay press marketing new protocols and want to take this opportunity to educate the community on being an informed consumer of treatment. As we all know, marketing strategies are designed to grab our attention for a product or service. Advertisements for all types of treatment are no exception. There are many types of treatments available, and in all of them you will find success stories as well as failures.
Despite how wonderful something may appear, there is no “magic formula” when it comes to treating addiction. If it sounds too good to be true, maybe it is.

None of us needs to be a trained specialist to be an informed consumer. We just need to take the time to ask a few specific questions, such as inquiring as to the risks of treatment, if there are outcome studies, or how the treatment provider defines “success.” You will find a list of these questions on our Web site, www.crystalbreaks.org . Whether you are seeking services for yourself or a loved one, we recommend you ask these questions of any provider of treatment to ensure you fully understand what you are buying.

Our Web site also features prevention, treatment and harm reduction information for both users and non-users of crystal meth. The Task Force seeks to promote a healthy community for all and we invite participation from anyone interested.

—The Chicago Crystal Meth Task Force

get set....

yes, it's a great time to do just that. time to start something new. next stop, better days. today, i am highlighting a song that is fairly silly, which is from the 1st "high school musical", but i absolutely love it. zach efron while he was still a twink peppered with classic disney optimism. that's all okay with me. there is much left to do, and much healthier ways to do it.

..This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new...

full lyrics here