12 monkeys

addiction  is very much like living the same day over and over and over and over. i would get mental insets of having experienced situations before regularly. i guess not much changes about everyday living with the onset of heavy drug use, because reality shifts to being about getting high and not about anything that strays from that activity. they say that the insanity of addiction is our engaging in the same activities and expecting different results. especially doing this repeatedly.

 

i was meeting with an addict yesterday and  he had been forthcoming about his most recent meth use and was certain that i knew it anyway. he was very adamant that he wasn't sure whether to go into rehab or to stay in outpatient. the truth is he may not have any choice. he is in the arms of the courts due largely to his drug use and subsequent behavior and much of his decision making beyond his own drug use is out of his own hands at the present time. he initially was eluding to his honesty being used to get him into further hot water with probation. he then switched to asking for input about whether to go to inpatient or not. he then was obviously struggling with the reality of the parameters of his situation. he doesn't blame anyone or anything else for his situation, but i don't believe he takes responsibility for it, either. and that is a dangerous place to stand when you are an addict. because it's not like having solid footing at all. and more than likely, he will end up right back in the same spot. and wonder how that happened.

and the truth is i find myself in the same situation repeatedly in my life too. i don't work through situations sometimes. instead, i ignore them, or discard them, or deny them. but some new relationship or encounter will raise the very same issues and i will find myself standing in the very same spot. and i need to find a way to break this cycle. today, in a meeting, i heard someone say that faith is the vehicle to motor us out of this conundrum. and it sounded so ridiculously simple that it probably is true. that if i can believe that my perception of the situation may be faulty or may be an illusion, then i will be well on my way back to happiness. it's one thing to be able to get myself out of an uncomfortable situation or relationship. however, it's completely another thing to circumvent getting involved with the same or similar situation over and over. this is the issue for which i wish to find the solution.

 

what do you think?