jai ho

roughly translated, jai ho (the a r rahman song from slumdog millionaire) means "may there be victory".

i just came from seeing "slumdog millionaire". i was more than pleasantly surprised at the game show vehicle and how effectively it was used. the indian/mumbai culture is one that is not very familiar to me and as the pastiche of idiosyncrasies of the filmmakers world became visible, i was repeatedly struck with little ahas around the similarities.

the film is rich with metaphors and also seems to carry a message that has familiarity. as the story follows a young boy and his friends in their hustle to survive in a mumbai ghetto, perhaps that message seems to be that if one remains true to their heart and acts accordingly, the riches of dreams coming true can follow. this theme seems to be very popular among filmmakers and film goers alike, and may speak to this films intention. but i believe, too, that the welcome reception it has been basking in is also due to the glimpse it provides us into a world to which we are not privvy.

i know that i enjoyed so many of the techniques the filmmaker used, i enjoyed the lighting, the pace, the editing, and the locations. the visual experience and the aural journey via the dialect and dialogue were captivating. and i was thankful for the subtle yet effective subtitles, for even though english was spoken, it was spoken with inflections in which i am not well-versed.

i went to the movies with a friend (he has become a friend these last couple of years). i am more than a bit surprised at some of the quiet revelations that happen during my own social interactions. i spend a good deal of time working with others, but don't spend much time being and doing with others, and there is an apparent difference in my behaviors. and so with the rest of my sunday, brunch with a very small group of guys from sin, watching football with my sponsor and another friend, and then the movie with my friend, i am left with no choice but to find conviction to walk the walk of my self proclaimed beliefs in my own life. i certainly am humbled (honestly more like fighting horror) by this look into my own behaviors. i have not discerned whether it is my own discomfort in being around others with no real task at hand other than enjoying their company which causes me to step on the caustic, bitchy button- (the easy button as it were) but that's what i do.

this paring back of another layer of the onion so-to-speak, would have caused me much tribulation before. it concerns me, yes, but it no longer will ruin my month. it indicates i have work to do, it reveals that i am in need, and it confirms that my life is out of balance, with not enough time to simply be. this is clearly a call for change as well as an opportunity to grow. more importantly, i am beginning to learn to see life through the filter of "may there be victory" - jai ho!!!

today's sound choice is "jai ho" by a r rahman. the vid clip contains the bollywood style dance sequence during the ending credits.

striped pajamas

We were as twinned lambs that did frisk i' th' sun, And bleat the one at th' other. What we changed Was innocence for innocence; we knew not The doctrine of ill-doing, nor dreamed That any did..... William Shakespeare

my friend jim and i went to see "the boy in the striped pajamas" last evening. we originally were off to see "when pigs fly" at the theatre off broadway, but it was dark, so we quickly came up with an alternate plan.

the film is quite slow paced and unravels rather clumsily. the sets kept my interest, being one very traditional turn-of-last century house, and then one older home that had been modified to have some modern features. i am using modern here because i mean mid-century but that would include the 1940's. i believe the film was shot in hungary, which could explain some of the oddities.

none-the-less, there are some very tender exchanges of dialogue between 2 eight year old boys while they are sitting on the ground with a barbed wire fence between them. naturally they don't always appear to remember it is there. these scenes alone were worth watching on a large screen for me- those and the 2nd location used satisfied my interest.

but i also think the film highlighted one aspect of the holocaust that doesn't always come through. this would be the inner turmoil among so many families whose members didn't always see eye-to-eye on the issue of the treatment of the jews. party loyalty versus a sense of right and wrong were wrestling each other under the surface at thousands of junctures.

the ending is highly dramatic. the last shot panned is still with me. i don't mind that the holocaust is the vehicle for yet another story, because it is a wealth of examples of the human condition. we are not perfect, as much as we would like to think we have grown, our basic human instincts- crowd mentality, a desire to blame something or someone for our troubles, acting against our better judgement out of fear, considering our own comfort over that of others remain in tact.

i put a sample of the soundtrack by james horner in the sidebar. it's another fantastic score..

i'm off to a friends 50th b'day party tonight. i could use a laugh or two...

twinkies and milk

not much needed to say here. gus van sant gives us another offering. a re-telling of the harvey milk story, of the early days of gay rights in sf and america, and the ensuing court battle around harvey's murder by councilman dan white and his famous twinkie defense.starring sean penn and the handsome brolin boy. this is definitely a story depicting the early struggles for gay rights, and the dan white situation caused me to stop eating twinkies as well as question the equity of the judicial system. i boycotted twinkies actually, and then i realized how nutrition free they are, along with ding-dongs and ho-hos. but i loved hearing on the news about people like me fighting for what is rightfully theirs and not backing down. it empowered me.

now, of course, twinkies are kitsch and acceptable again on an entirely different level. kinda like spam, tang, nerds, and space food sticks.

i'm posting the film trailer today. for music, look to the sidebar. european pop hits posted in finetune. over 1900 songs on that playlist. you can play it for a month and hear new music....

hava happy sunday...

pitt stop

on the plane to dc, i saw a commercial for the new coen brothers' film called "burn after reading" and i chuckled out loud. but the reason i smiled so inside, was the clips of brad pitt. i have liked him for awhile now, and not just for the beauty he projected in "a river runs through it". i also loved him in "johnny suede", "12 monkeys", and "true romance". he had character parts in those films, and i think that might be what he does best. and it looked like he's having fun again..

the coens are notoriously clever and incredibly brilliant filmmakers, so no doubt it will be smart. frances mcdormand is naturally in there, and george clooney is joining them for yet another time. coen-nation first timers john malkovich and tilda swinton round out the follies. here's a lttle overview of the insanity.

anyway, i thought a lighter post was overdue...dc is beautiful as always. much muggier than denver. i found myself wising denver luck as i was shuttling outta town. this week is a very big deal for her. here are a coupla photos you might not see on the 7 o'clock news. peoples press collective

love ya, mean it!!!

As you can imagine, whatever film the Coen Brothers decided to make after the tour de force that was No Country for Old Men was going to get some attention. It is only natural, seeing as No Country only solidified for most of the world what many of us already know — those Coens know how to make a damn good movie.

Their next damn good movie is tentatively titled Burn After Reading. It stars John Malkovich as a malcontent former CIA agent who decides to write some national secrets into his memoirs. His wife, played by Tilda Swinton, decides to steal these secrets but mistakenly hands them over to two half-witted gym employees, played by Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand. When the two conspire to sell the information to pay for the latter’s plastic surgery, the CIA sends in another agent, played by George Clooney, to sort it all out to whatever end necessary. It is a concept that absolutely reeks of comedy, the devious kind of comedy that the Coens have been delivering for years. rest of article here

he's so fine

forgive me for being a bit high school boyish, but tatum channing is sooooo fine. i thought i'd share some things i've learned about him.

1)here is a link to his unofficial #1 fan.... unwrapped (yikes)

2)here is a vid from a film i saw on cable. i love the song and i absolutely love the way he moves. psssst... if you like what you see, click on the final showcase scene offered in the menu bar- lotsa fun and pretty fine, too!



3)here is a trailer from a film called "stop-loss" that he is in with ryan phillipe that actually might be worth a visit. viva l'amerique!

on a lighter note

this was forwarded to me by ruben and alex. those boys are so crazy....

blowboy

image credit: exterface

i grew up in a small town in central illinois, and i got called this name by a few boys that were a couple of years older than me. i would say there was some reason to call me that, but i would also say that i was in 5th, 6th and 7th grades, so i was hardly able to take adult responsibility for my actions. that name damaged me for quite a few years. i believe it helped to catapult me into a life of denial and self hatred that i struggled with both externally and internally for years.

i don't get called that name anymore. i don't really get called a boy of any kind anymore. but, i'm sure there are young boys and men experiencing the same torment i endured. probably not quite as openly as i did in the late 60's and early 70's.

well maybe yes....

from the denver post 2/19/08

"...for two years, Adrian kept a secret from every adult he knew, even his father: The verbal abuse he says was heaped on him from other students. Bullies called him 'Nazi,' because he is from Germany, and 'gay,' because he is a musical-theater prodigy who stars in professional plays. And despite what Cherry Creek Schools calls a proactive effort to curb bullying, including classroom discussions, plenty of kids knew Adrian was a target and nearly a dozen watched him get beaten up at a school-bus stop in November. Adrian had bruises and a broken collarbone. 'They didn't lift a finger to help him,' Heinz Ulm said of his 14-year- old son. 'I can't understand that.' His attacker won't face criminal charges, because Adrian voluntarily took part in the fight, the Ulms were told. But a 2-year-old amendment to Colorado's hate-crime laws could make Adrian's assailant the first youth in Colorado to be sued for punitive damages on the basis of school bullying. 'I would definitely describe this as a hate crime,' said Adrian's lawyer, Gregg McReynolds, who has not made a decision about a suit."

Weakness_in_me
Uploaded by ReAA

atonement

james mcavoy

it wss my mother's birthday yesterday and she wanted to go to lunch and a film. we went to a deli for sandwiches- she had egg salad and i had a reuben, and then we filed in to see "atonement". wow, that film really blew me away. truly, i loved it. the performances were solid. some of the scenes looked a bit staged to me, but the screenplay, especially the framework, left me breathless.

so much of what transpired to lead up the pivotal point in the film is actually quite beautiful to look at. and besides the dreamlike quality that some of the shots outside the mansion had, the pace was fairly natural. of course, the reasons for the dreamlike qualities get explained at the closing of the film.

i guess the unsettling aspect for me, and the most compelling and memorable, was how a spur of the moment selfish act by someone, more reactionary than calculated, can alter so many lives. and i was so taken with evoloution of sacrifice and secret sadness, as well as the perceived hardships of moving on.

the hero (james mcavoy) is beautiful, and portrays innocence, hard work, and the limitations of class with the ease of a principal dancer. and vanessa redgrave at the closing of the film seals the deal.

the story may not be relevant, it may not be important, but this drama honestly felt human to me. with the juxtaposition of secluded life on a private estate set against the boundary-free military hospitals and war torn countryside, the images and scenes were splashed with remarkable light and shadow. i had a memorable afternoon.

one added feature was the soundtrack for me. the addition of the sound of typewriter keys populated, punctuated, and permeated the score. below is a piece of music called "elegy for dunkirk" (sans the typewriter) that i also find moving. i really like the use of the chorus here.

and please believe me when i wish for you to "have a beautiful sunday"

saw it in the window and i couldn't resist

shiny happy rainbow neapolitan

my friend robbie in brooklyn sent me this today. you know kooky doesn't get much better than this. bizarre, eclectic, almost hallucinogenic. have a great day.

my turn to be brave

sometimes i hear a song and there is no question that but that i am in love with it. my friend reuben (thank you very much, reuben) made a cd for the holidays and this song was on it. i couldn't read the cd for a long time, so i could never figure out who it was.

then when bryan and marc were in town for ub2, we were driving around and they heard it and commented on it in the same vein i had been thinking. is it a broadway song? i know her voice. is it from wicked?

well the answer is a partial yes to all those. it's idina menzel. she wrote the lyrics to this tune i believe. it's her 1st solo album. i know her from "rent" and from "wicked". she has a tremendous voice. it's got a dramatic quality that cuts deeply. here are the lyrics. tell me you don't love this song, too...

I don't know just where i'm going
and tomorrow it's a little overwhelming
and the air is cold and i'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction for too long now
I've lost my own reflection
and I can't look down if you're not there to catch me when I fall

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my right of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
at least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid 'cause it's my turn to be brave

All along all I ever wanted was to be the light when your life was daunting
but i can't see mine when I feel as though you're pushing me away
Well, whose to blame?
Are we making the right choices?
'Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices
As we close the door even though we are so desperate to stay

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my right of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
at least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid 'cause it's my turn to be brave

and I might still cry
and I might still bleed
these thorns in my side
this heart on my sleeve
and lightning may strike this ground at my feet
and I might still crash
but I still believe

This is the moment I stand here all alone
With everything I have inside everything I own
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave

If this is the last time before we say goodbye
at least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid it's my turn to be brave

another waltz

every year around this time, america enjoys one of its greatest and most famous dance recitals. last night was no exception. millions upon millions of amercians gathered to revel in this ritual once again, making a festival of it, and creating pomp and circumstance of all the activities surrounding it as well. there was laughter, there were tears, there were screams of joy, and there were bellows of discontent.

and when the curtain fell, some felt accomplishment while others found the sting of disappointment. it is a ritual. it is revelry. it is pomp. it is circumstance. it is activity. it is sport. it is religion. it helps us smile and it leaves us in tears. it pumps us up and it drains our reserves. it is a dance and it helps define who we are.

my recommendation here (sorry i haven't done this for you) is to watch the top vid with the sound off and play the bottom vid at the same time....

plainview

my friend jim drove down from boulder last night and we saw the film "there will be blood". i must admit, it wasn't my first choice, but he had seen every other movie i picked so finally i said you can't ask me to pick because you've got so many limititions. you pick and i'll be happy to go. i really can't remember the last movie i went to a theatre to see.

it is a very slow piece. it's a rework of the upton sinclair story by the name of oil. the backdrop is unsettled california during post-gold-rush days. the storyline follows an self-professed oilman's journey from new mexico to california, as he lets his passion and instinct lead him to bigger successes in his line of work.

but his emotional life arcs in a different direction than his career. his drive and his calling slowly cut off his ability to interact successfully with other humans and he is left, in the late scenes of the film, wandering and lolligagging completely alone in his self built castle, bitter and isolated, almost inhuman.

the performances are completely compelling, especially that of daniel day lewis. he is almost unrecognizable and sprials more towards that direction as the story progresses. i was definitely aware that the film was dry, but i was also completely compelled by the imagery and the metaphors of digging of wells, of the accidents, the loss, and the death, involved in that digging as well as the sheer strength of religion and the drama of religious charismatics. flaming oil geysers and the communities and the new life that sprung up around those drilling sites create an underworld that is well-seasoned with eccentricities. for me, there is a total correllation to recovery, truth, 12-step culture and constructing a sober life. a life without faith and without doing for others, but spent in isolation and indulgence is hardly a life at all.

i almost think this movie should be seen in a theatre. i don't know if i would have had the patience to keep it running at home. it is slow paced, it is impartial, it is pragmatic in its approach. but in a theatre, surrounded by hundreds of others, i felt it to be a cultural experience that contained value that was more than worthwhile.

here is one review:

Chicago Sun-Times Roger Ebert
The kind of film that is easily called great. I am not sure of its greatness. It was filmed in the same area of Texas used by "No Country for Old Men," and that is a great film, and a perfect one. But There Will Be Blood"is not perfect, and in its imperfections we may see its reach exceeding its grasp. Which is not a dishonorable thing.

read the remainder of review here

i found the soundtrack mesmerizing as well. jonny greenwood of "radiohead" has composed the heart of it. i will most likely download that, too. meantime, here is a cut from radiohead's latest release "rainbows".

the gay nineties

what do i remember about those gay nineties? i know that throughout the first half i lived like i was dodging a bullet. in my head, in my heart, in my soul, i was ducking, bobbing, weaving, hiding, and running away from the great possibility of the times. that dying thing that so many gay men were doing then. it was overwhelming, really. so mind boggling that most of my peers were walking with ptsd. everywhere we looked around us, we were fading. we were diminishing. we were disappearing.

then in 96, dr ho and his miracle cocktail came out of the woodwork. it was very much like oz, after the house squashed the wicked witch of the west. gay men we had stopped seeing started to come out of hiding. our lives shifted. in the space of 2 years or so, the once permanent darkness was fading and blue skies and sunshine once again became part of the landscape. come out, come out wherever you are became the phrase of the moment- in many more ways than one.

just like the seventies and the eighties, the nineties are a miracle time in the history of gay american culture. hell gay culture and well, culture everywhere for that matter. the quilt, the march on washington, the red ribbon campaign, the healthcare system makeover, the cocktail. the scourge is not over. the war has not ceased. there is no truce yet. there are many, many casualties still. on our little continent though, that decade brought a miracle. and i am humbled, still, to this day as i look out on the horizon.

i know i will always remember the 90's. it was just like going over niagra falls in a barrel. scary as hell while i was in it, but such a relief and feeling of accomplishment and blessing to have survived. it was definitely an adventure. i know my nineties were gay.

holiday ho ho's

they say good things come in 3's.

try lady bunny's entry- silly but sooo funny... giggle

and finally the foreign language vid that needs no translating. it made me smile- hope it does the same for you....

vid courtesy of gay telaviv. (i so enjoy this site)

expression

image credit: elena martyniuk

a painter expresses his or herself on canvas


a musician expresses his or herself on silence

how do you best express yourself?

i've got a secret

i love sundays. i go to my favorite meeting and get my spiritual fix for the week. i don't have to go to work and can spend a bit of time just being lazy. things like taking a nap and having a snack can easily be part of the game plan. or going to the mountains.

but my favorite thing of all is

extreme makeover: home edition

.

i am without a doubt a sucker for the formula of this show. i know every week what is going to happen. i know every week that i am being manipulated in some way. i know that every week a number of companies and corporations are getting advertisement in the name of "doing good". and i don't care. i eagerly get ready for the start time of the show on sundays, and i patiently sit through the softsell peddling and the overt advertisemnts, because part of me believes that someone's lives are getting better and that it is happening because someone is taking the time and putting the effort forth to help make that so.

i love to cry my 2 minutes of tears on a weekly basis. it makes me feel as if my weekend is complete. i sleep better and suppose i feel cleansed in some way. anyway i love to cry(for only a minute), and i love ty pennington, too. beautiful, crazy, and driven. but, shhhh- don't tell anyone. it's a secret. i really don't talk about this much. i just kinda quietly slip into my sunday evening behavior without even thinking about it.

the gay nineties

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

san francisco 1996 or so. meth had not entered my life. but drinking heavily was no stranger. i lived in denver, but flew to the city once in awhile to hang out with some friends that made underground films. i ended up being in two. this one came about because louanne swore i looked like a 50's film star a la robert mitchum. imagine my surprise when i came across my performances on youtube.

these friends now live on the big island and i'm certain are still making films. they were pretty much finished with me as a direct result of my meth use. i don't blame them one iota. they are eccentric, midwestern, and creative. you can see bits of them whenever you wish on youtube. they call themselves "the illinore show". i think my favorites are "gold questions" and "wayne". they are ron and louanne. i met them in 1984 in chicago. they were part of a performance art ensemble called "the family plan". they were odd and used to do performances in the strangest of places in the strangest of ways. they had an open house at a gallery once where they baked bread in the shape of letters to spell a greeting and covered the floor with cabbages and onions. it was so avant.

my most striking memory is a collaboration they did at the dance hall the 2nd year we were open with several students from the art institute of chicago. It was named "blood beat digest". there were frankenstein like electrical machines set up in one room. there were deranged and creepy performances going on throughout the night. but the most vivid was in the bathroom up on the 3rd floor which was usually locked, there was a bathtub. louanne was in the tub which was filled with red liquid. her mouth was gagged and her hands and feet were bound and she was writhing to stay afloat in the tub of pseudo bloody water. playing in the background was a tape of a deep deep voice ( almost barry white-ish) repeating " you like it like this don't you bitch. you like this. you like this".

i still get creeped by the whole thing. that is one of the many reasons i absolutely love performance to this day. but this effort is not so daring. this particular effort also gave me the chance to understand that i'm no actor.

i'm not there

i am fascinated by so many things about this film project, including the soundtrack. i can't wait to hear all the music and see the film. i am, indeed, a fan of dylan's music. have been since junior high. and then there's the whole edie sedgwick thing. edie's now resting in the sedgwick pie.
and how about cate blanchett? what a choice...



i am following the clip with a vid of the song he supposedly wrote about edie.

black friday

now this would get me to shop....