i want it that way

it's been quite a few days that i have been in a bit of a funk. so much to process and so much to let go. i still find myself overwhelmed some days. i hear people speak of peace and serenity and i wonder if it is something i will ever truly know.

if anyone reads my blog with some regularity, you'll probably know that i push myself pretty hard and spend a good deal of my time doing service work. it's challenging often for a couple of reasons. there is not always success involved in doing service work. at times this can truly be taxing. it's very easy to become invested in an outcome, which defeats the purpose of service. then there are times when other challenges of service, environmental, tactical, implementation, and resistance can be like kissing a cactus- pretty prickly.

but i must say, that every day, with all these barriers, is still better than the insane stuck-in-a-loop, "i need another hit" life that i had lived for 30 years or so. i recommend service work. i can't think how i survived before it embraced me. i hope i can do it for the rest of my life.

today i have a meeting with the mayor's office of hiv resources. there are two topics on the agenda.

1) explore the possibility of hosting a conference to update the denver principles after 25 years.

2) explore the advancement of peer education among hiv positives with the intention of empowerment, recruitment of poz persons to work with hiv issues, and generate stronger self-efficay with regard to personal healthcare. after all knowledge is power.

obviously today is the 7th anniversary of 9/11. that day and those events heralded in huge change in my world, and probably in all our worlds. i am taking a moment to remember those that passed on, and also those that were left behind. and i ask: have we moved in a good direction? are we doing the best we can as a nation and as a family of americans to mend what attracted that situation to us in the 1st place?

i saw this vid last year when i first discovered these boys. they make me laugh from my heart. i guess they remind myself of my friends when we were in our early teens. i think they are definitely some of the biggest queens of you tube, and i mean that in a beautiful way. they are mimics, they are obnoxious, and they definitely make me smile big time.

i've got a secret

i love sundays. i go to my favorite meeting and get my spiritual fix for the week. i don't have to go to work and can spend a bit of time just being lazy. things like taking a nap and having a snack can easily be part of the game plan. or going to the mountains.

but my favorite thing of all is

extreme makeover: home edition

.

i am without a doubt a sucker for the formula of this show. i know every week what is going to happen. i know every week that i am being manipulated in some way. i know that every week a number of companies and corporations are getting advertisement in the name of "doing good". and i don't care. i eagerly get ready for the start time of the show on sundays, and i patiently sit through the softsell peddling and the overt advertisemnts, because part of me believes that someone's lives are getting better and that it is happening because someone is taking the time and putting the effort forth to help make that so.

i love to cry my 2 minutes of tears on a weekly basis. it makes me feel as if my weekend is complete. i sleep better and suppose i feel cleansed in some way. anyway i love to cry(for only a minute), and i love ty pennington, too. beautiful, crazy, and driven. but, shhhh- don't tell anyone. it's a secret. i really don't talk about this much. i just kinda quietly slip into my sunday evening behavior without even thinking about it.