clean and sober +

we had the 1st meeting of clean and sober plus this weekend. there were only a few people there, however that did not produce a loss for sharing or a loss of conversation. it seems to me that along with this hiv bizness, there comes a whole smorgasbord of life issues that get touched by it. and in order to wade through all the muck that can be created, there needs to be a sounding board set up. and i think perhaps that sounding board would best come in the form of peer support and mirroring. and substance use is at a pivotal point in so many poz persons profiles.

i am so very fortunate to have made it these last 22 years of being poz with really no physical ails. however, the psychological ones numbed me out for a decade and then sent me into a tailspin for almost another. from the outside, though, i was able to make it through all that bullshit and come out a stronger and hopefully wiser person. certainly more understanding of other persons' struggles. i have lost friends, lovers, my sense of security, and my sanity at times. but the trek is not over (by a long shot, hopefully). and i can try to put some of all this craziness and insanity to good use, trying to accompany others on their own journey out of the dark. or at least be there and be available.

are drugs and alcohol intrinsically linked to hiv in america? i am fairly certain this is not true for every single person. but i wonder what the percentages actually are. how many people were loaded when they were transmitted the virus? and then how many people self-medicate at some point in direct response to either a physical, emotional, or psychological manifestation of being infected (or affected)? this is one reason an additional and specific 12-step group may be a good idea. we hope so.