don't get me wrong

 

so, in the making of a substance treatment program, one finds oneself knee deep(at least) in politics of some sort (polite). someone wants the accolades. someone wants the clout. someone wonders if there will be power to be had. someone wonders about the funding and the funds. and someone even wonders about the clients. there is so much posturing before a program really gets off the ground.

now, i don't really pretend to think that these peripheral annoyances are enough to not proceed with involvement. quite the contrary. it is because of  politics such as these, that one decides to move forward with the creation and the development process. in order to sidetrack these things in the future, a program must have a reputation and some depth and weight to its community profile. and how in the world will we be able to really help any people if we don't have a healthy and heavy duty profile. how will people find us if no one knows we are here. 

how does a guy stay focused on the purpose? creating a solid path for guys to get clean, change their lives and retain their personal identity as well as their participation in community in the process. the establishment of a gay men's substance abuse and treatment program for the city of denver. does anyone really care one way or another if there is one?  is there a good reason there isn't an existing one? but even further than that, do i really care whether anyone cares? i am honestly not clear about the answer to that one. but i believe that gay men do look to each other for validation. and i think that it only follows that we can demonstrate healthier choices for each other, just as we continue to demonstrate damaging ones. i'm not sure if all my behaviors are healthy, but i do believe that they are light years from the destructive ones i indulged in for years. so i guess i will run with that.

it's a challenge sometimes to be gay. i mean, having to deal with internalized homophobia, general homophobia, and wanting to be included and inclusive and also exclusive of other gay men. it can almost be a love-hate relationship that is very layered and can be very thorny. and it's primal and it vital. and it's bizarre. it is a trip.

 

 

love those eighties!