no more pnp

i felt like a little backtracking this morning.



tweaking sure was a hella lotta drama for me.

and speaking of drama

i am currently pet-sitting for my neighbors' dog. she is a very pleasant adorable creature who suffers manically from seperation anxiety or something like that. she is sleeping at my house at night and chilling at her own home during the day. saturday i came to pick her up and she had been scratching at the back door trying to get out. she had been scratching so much that there were wood shavings all over the floor. she had also been so adamant in her quest that she had knocked a clock of the kitchen wall and there was broken glass all over the floor. no blood, luckily, so the crash must have scared her into the other room. when i was cleaning up the mess, i suddenly realized how very much like me, during my heavy using periods, this all was. i was determined to get somewhere else, couldn't possibly ever, but didn't care. even if it was futile. or even if i hurt myself, i'd just keep scratching in a panic, really knowing it was hopeless. i was just determined to be where i wasn't. and i had lost sight of knowing how to try anything else.


and then:

fantasia sang "i am here" from the Color Purple last nite on the Tony Awards and she shook the roof. it still wasn't really worth watching the whole show- but almost!

and aids-write reports tha a black church in boston is to host a gay pride service. i had to read it twice to be sure i wasn't dreaming.

blessings be