be the change

All leadership comes down to this: changing people's behavior.
and i have decided to start with my own.

a couple of men from other cities have contacted me over the last month in response to an entry i made about the size of the roundup fellowship here in denver. they declared that no such fellowship of measurable size exists in their respective cities. i can empathize with that so much because when i first got clean here it was a very meagre scene. i really didn't care too much if i saw the people who attended meetings outside the 12 step rooms, as they weren't my 1st choice of companions. but then, another guy and i began talking about the "gay" recovery rooms being pretty lame, except for aa which had a fairly longstanding and strong presence , although perceived as stand-offish with newcomers. there was quite a bit of "personality disorder" abounding in the other fellowships and it was, well to put it succinctly, annoying. so we began a new meeting which was open but definitely marketed and geared towards gay men in recovery from crystal. we asked a couple of other guys we knew from the rooms to join our attempt. it was strange, exciting, and fearful. and it took a few months but the meeting did find a voice.

from this meeting, and the intention behind it, we have met some addicts and drunks in long term recovery who have moved here from other cities where the "GLBT recovery" is more cohesive than it was in denver. and we have collected and merged our intentions to be a fun, inclusive, and recovery oriented social group. we try to celebrate recovery, and laugh while we are doing it, because 12 step helped save our collective asses, our sanity, and our lives. and we do celebrate.

just as in the early 80's when we had no access to legislation around the pandemic which swept through our communities and we had to create our own networks and systems and support, so do we have that same challenge in recovery. and we have found that people in recovery seem to be coming out of the woodwork in kind. and i believe that it is because we, human beings- gay men and lesbians et al, need community as well as really want it. being able to hold my head up again with my face towards the sun and being able to look at myself in the mirror is worth celebrating. and it is worth being acknowledged by others. we don't get clean to isolate and hide ourselves. we don't get clean to go back in the closet. and we don't suddenly become spinsters or clergy or celibates- well most of us don't.

so, to these very intelligent guys who have suggested that there are not so many men in recovery in their cities, or that there is no recovery community, i say "i hear you". there didn't seem to be much here, either. but we are just changing ourselves. and the fellowhips, the rmru board, and the community have grown around us. it's not always all fun, it's work- service work. but it is fun. and it's rewarding. and it is a vital resource for others who are not as strong. we all need to see happy on someone else's face to remember we can see it on our own faces again, too.

i am really not that smart a guy. this metamorphosis in our little burg has been the work of many hearts and voices. i know, though, that i had to change my heart and voice to find a kindred spirit.(after all, i'm not the only gay in the village) lol. i believe, wholeheartedly, that we are everywhere. so i offer- get busy.... someone else who is trying to get/stay clean needs your help... if you build it, they will come. and if you need inspirationn, come celebrate with us in winter park. happiness can be contagious.

NOT SURE HOW?



"Consciously or unconsciously, every one of us does render some service or other. If we cultivate the habit of doing this service deliberately, our desire for service will steadily grow stronger and we will make not only our own happiness, but that of the world at large".... Gandhi