the needle and the damage done

i haven't thought about this song in awhile. and i hadn't ever really thought about it's appropriateness for the life i was living as a tweaker a few years back. indeed, i really had not ever tried to understand how much damage i did to the people around me and just how much had been done to me. that whole vista can easily be overwhelming. i hurt so many many friends. i lied to so many people. and i let so many people just use me like a handi-wipe. i helped myself to things that i had no business having in my possession. i took advantage of situations simply because i was able.

as i did my 8th step for the 1st time and made a list of those i had injured and became willing to make amends, i honestly became overwhelmed that i may never be able to make some of those amends. and that may be the case. but i have become willing, in most cases. and in the others, i have become willing to be willing.

this 9th step process of making amends seems as if it will go on infinitum, but not ad nauseum. i want to level the playing field. i want to relieve myself of guilt and remorse. i want to come to terms with all my actions. and i want to continue to grow spiritually. obviously, this does not happen overnight. it is a process which requires new habits, new thought patterns, and new behaviors. and change ain't always easy.

oh and if you haven't done it already, click on the title of this post and read the article by aaron cohen from the ispark site in sf. i find it really insightful and compelling.


I caught you knockin'
at my cellar door
I love you, baby,
can I have some more
Ooh, ooh, the damage done.

I hit the city and
I lost my band
I watched the needle
take another man
Gone, gone, the damage done.

I sing the song
because I love the man
I know that some
of you don't understand
Milk-blood
to keep from running out.

I've seen the needle
and the damage done
A little part of it in everyone
But every junkie's
like a settin' sun.