another day another post. it certainly has become part of my routine. i actually look forward to touching in with my own feelings and looking outward to share a little. it has been an integral part of my healing and it continues to be a blessing for me..
i find that my emotional tilt-a-whirl has become much more juvie with the addition of lithium and the subtraction of alcohol and other drugs. i am much more balanced, and much more even paced. not perfect, certainly, but definitely much more manageable.
i always talk about expecting good things to happen and to be open to surprise, but i often think it might just be patronizing and repeating things i have heard. i really can't say that i walk that walk.
i'm gonna be self indulgent for a minute (as if this process doesn't demonstrate that anyway). last night in a group i facilitate, the "clients" were all kinda acting weird when group was starting out. one guy's mother came to the clinic and she was hanging out. one of my coworkers was asking me lots of odd questions in my office just before group started. i thought, oh well- everyone's having a weird day, i might as well, too.
but no, the guys in group (my brand new heavies) have made a gesture to say thank you to me.(you can click on photo for better view. ps-i am not a photographer :p). it totally caught me by surprise. i teared up, but quickly said "you are not getting out of group tonight". we still have work to do. but they didn't care. nor did i. we had cake, we laughed, they cried a bit, and i am left numb. i never expected even anything remotely this kind and loving to happen. i am humbled and in awe. addicts don't think of others as a first course of action. they are too caught up in their own shit. and they have nothing to gain by making this effort. are they gay men being nice to each other? i wish i saw more of this, but today this will do. and i have a tear or two as i type this.
again, i repeat: miracles happen. people change. addicts are people and people recover. and i got to witness a miracle in process today. i've been high so many times in my life. but, this is a new high for me. i'm glad i have made it through to the next round.
7 comments:
A sweet post R.
"..and they have nothing to gain by making this effort." Yes they do - personal growth.
It seems to me that you are becoming more reflective as you near your milestone. :)
Awwww that's so sweet. And I understand blogging being a intrical part of healing :)
When you teach spiritual principles, sometimes those for whom you are an example actually grasp a few of them, like gratitude! I guarantee you seeing your tickled and touched reaction made their days every bit as much as yours.
I'm impressed by the certificate. I clicked on it and read it--it took time and effort, and you're quite right, early recovery is usually not the time addicts "get" to such a degree the world does not revolve around them. That you drew it out is a testament to you, take it personally, baby.
Good luck mr, I havn't wrote much about it in my blog, but it was so hard for me when I quit back in 99. Lots of physical pain. You can make it, but let the music keep playing. Hugs and strength!
That is so awesome!!! I LOVED that they put in there
"how's that working for ya?" as that has often been one of my most needed and at times most detested quote of yours. :0)
Love you madly,
Keep up the good work.
Today is my big 04!!!
What a great experience for all of you. Maybe all the things that you've put of yourself in the group and in them had resulted in more than you thought?
den-yes i am reflective. but that's becoming normal. 3 years next friday. i don't ever ever wanna go back.
steve-mm hmmm, blogging has expanded my possibilities.
marcel- it is a testament to the power of intention. wayne dyer is right.
derek- thanks for the strength, i can always use that- as for the hugs-- i'll wait on that- thank you for popping in.
tommie- 04 years? omg- you life is so different from when i met you in sf. it's hard to believe sometimes. i really consider it a gift to spend time with you. glad you are in my life.
daniel- the man with the beautiful pictures- i don't know what to make of it all. but i do know that they are engaged in treatment and are finding joy, so something good must be happening.
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