step by step

just getting back to town has been a bit of a challenge for me. there were so many things that have transpired both inside and outside me that i can hardly believe i was only gone 4 days. yesterday, i went back to work with a renewed vigor and a feeling of strength that i didn't have prior to going away. or at least i don't remember.

the amount of people that i am interacting with has doubled both at work and in my personal life since last year. this has quite an effect on me at the end of every week. so much more to process internally. so much more to think about. so many more decisions both to make and to ponder.

SIN is becoming slightly busier and is going to be part of a community event that is planned for january. i would assume that it will continue to get busier, too. that is great 'cuz there just isn't enough visibility or enough non-bar activities for some gay poz guys to do here. and i need to be around poz people to keep me grounded. sometimes i think that having jumped through that ring of fire(fear) has made us heartier and wiser in some ways. and i need that wisdom around to quell my other fears.

there is a project for mhmp that i want to get started as well. this is a social marketing campaign for younger gay men(under 30) around meth use and recovery. it's a bit overwhelming for me to get it together on my own, so i am trying to include the help of some of the lgbt student unions from the universities as well as the lgbt center and realize that is another thing to manage.

i guess this seems as if i am feeling a bit overwhelmed, and perhaps i am. it is not a negative feeling though. i am honestly happy to have so many irons in the fire. i am sure that this is a great departure from spending days in the bathhouse feeling without worth and hooking up relentlessly with strangers. i don't want to go back to that mindset. i also would not like to go back to living in fear and resentment around hiv. i am happy to see those days gone.

i received the sweetest email from wayward son about my blog, my process, and its effect on his process. i was a little blown away by his kind words. it is a gentle reminder that my life can have a real effect on others' lives without my really knowing it, and that is authentic validation for my process. this is by far much longer lasting than the validation i used to seek through my sex life. and i want to take another moment to thank him for extending himself to me. it is a beautiful thing. it's these authentic exchanges that fuel my ability to keep moving.

Well there's a bridge and there's a river that I still must cross
As I'm going on my journey
Oh, I might be lost

And there's a road I have to follow, a place I have to go
Well no-one told me just how to get there
But when I get there I'll know
Cuz I'm taking it

Chorus:
Step By Step, Bit by Bit,
Stone By Stone (Yeah), Brick by Brick (Oh, yeah)
Step By Step, Day By Day, Mile by mile (ooh, ooh, ooh)

And this old road is rough and ruined
So many dangers along the way
So many burdens might fall upon me
So many troubles that I have to face

Oh, but I won't let my spirit fail me
Oh, I won't let my spirit go
Until I get to my destination
I'm gonna take it slowly cuz I'm making it mine

Chorus:
Step By Step (you know I'm taking it), bit by bit (bit by bit, come move),
stone by stone (yeah), brick by brick (brick by brick by brick by brick mmm...)
Step by step (step by step uh-huh), day by day (day by day-ee),
mile by mile (ooh), go your own way.

Say it, baby, don't give up
You got to hold on to what you got,
Oh, baby, don't give up,
You got to keep on moving on don't stop (yeah yeah).
I know you're hurting, and i know you're blue,
i know you're hurting but don't let the bad things get to you.

Chorus:
I'm taking it step by step (ohohoh), bit by bit (bit by bit come move),
stone by stone (stone by stone yeah), brick by brick (brick by brick by brick by brick),
Step by step (i'm gonna take it now),day by day (day by day-ee),
mile by mile (ooh), go your own way!

(c'mon baby got to keep moving),
i'm taking it step by step), bit by bit,
stone by stone (yeah, stone by stone), brick by brick
c'mon baby,
step by step keep on moving, day by day (day by day-ee),
mile by mile by mile by mile,go your own way,
c'mon baby got to keep moving, bit by bit (bit by bit, bit by bit)....