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Saturday, December 29, 2007

it's just a saturday night

last night i butlered a small rehearsal dinner party for new clients. their 22 year old son is schizo-effective bipolar and has some special needs. he hung around the kitchen after dinner asking me all sorts of questions about living in sf, about ryan white, and about his needing to get outside himself and be around people.

i felt my heart unfurl like a fresh perm in a steamy shower and i realized how very blessed i am to understand this young man's struggle and have patience and an ear.

having dinner with a good friend 2nite. he broke up with his other about a month ago and i haven't had a chance to console him. or really show him support. i have known him since the early 90's and he has been more than a great friend to me. no judgement during the dances with tina, definitely distance, but no judgement.

so it's my turn to be a friend.

already my mental situation of the last couple of days is shifting. this shift is one of the 9th step promises. i don't ever have to feel the way i used to feel again.

The Ninth Step Promises;

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.


Marc said...

Funny, I've never heard of them as The Ninth Step Promises before, just The Promises. Is that a Denver thing or a Rod thing?
In any event, I couldn't agree with you more. The only shadow on my serenity these days seems to be my dreams. Every night something very unserene, a using dream, or a back-to-prison dream. Thank God my bladder always wakes me up. In fact sometimes I wonder if its the bladder that's causing them, because the last dream of the night is usually a nice one.
Anyway, ME ME ME ME ME even though this is YOUR blog. Sometimes I'm SO obnoxious.

Java said...

What a gift to be able to be a friend. First a new friend, at least a listening, understanding ear to a young man who is ready to benefit from your experiences. Hopefully he will be able to use those lessons without having to walk the path you took to learn them.
Secondly to be a friend to an old friend, to repay in some way the faith and commitment he held for you while you were off dancing with tina. What a blessing for all involved.
I really like these promises. I am only vaguely familiar with the 12 step programs; don't really know the nitty gritty specifics. Thanks for posting these promises here.

Geoff said...

That was beautiful...I want to read the other 8.

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